I hate New England weather and craziness
Today yesterday and day before that have been nothing short of freezing. Yesterday was 60-65 degrees in late August!!! It’s the same today. Overcast, rainy and really cold. This is not proper summer weather. I was all bundled up including underwear, camisole, bra thermal shirts and leggings, woolen and shearling lined socks corduroys, thick pull over sweater, fleece sweater jacket vest faux shearling coat Ugg boots heavy pashmina scarf and woolen beret and handwarmers where I am an idiot I should have worn full coverage fleece thermotech gloves. My parents treat me like I am the one who is nuts for dressing the way I do. I say they are and most of the people who live up here are completely fucking crazy for not knowing the difference between 60 and 90 degrees. Shorts and t shirts, just pants and a sweatshirt, no warm coats or cold weather accessories or warm clothes. What are these people bonkers?!!!sandals and summer shoes? I want to live somewhere the people have common sense !!!!! I don’t care if it’s August if it feels like late autumn well guess what I’m going to dress like it. I actually. Should have.worn two pairs of thick socks and worn fleece lined leggings under my corduroys but I didn’t have time to add it to my wardrobe. And I wore a shearling lined hood over my hat. My mom kept saying people were staring at me. Well honestly let them stare. A lot of the people locally are narrow minded provincials anyway with no common sense. My parents are always saying people are staring at me. Geez way to make me anxious and paranoid!!!! This is one of the reasons I wanted to leave New England so badly. I get easily cold and I’m tired of my parents telling me it’s all in my head and making me feel inappropriate for dressing in a way that make me feel warm and comfortable. My mother took a picture to show the clinicians of course. I hate my family sometimes. I’m sick of them trying to change the way I dress. Honestly I wish I never developed mental illness. A long time ago because I could have been out of here at like 22 or so if I played my cards right. I hate New England. I hate the weather and climate. I also don’t like the way a lot of the people up here act, think, dress, and talk. I know it’s very judgmental. Of me. But there you go. I have to put up with stupidity and ignorance and sometimes people not keeping their opinions to themselves. Ugh!!!! I hope I don’t have to live here for the rest of my life. But if I have to live near family for the supports I may be looking at many more years here until they decide to move because they were planning on bringing me along with them. I’m scared to be away from family as crazy as they make me because of my mental health disabilities. I’m used to them taking care of me and I don’t know how to completely take care of myself yet. I have to learn the life skills to take care of myself and have the motivation to live my own life completely. My parents are going to die someday and then I’ll be left on my own with my sister. I hope I don’t become a ward of the state and get put into a group home. For people with mental health disabilities. I have.protection as long as my Parents are alive and are my legal guardians. But I have to learn to take care of myself if I want to develop some sort of independence in my life and personal autonomy. My parents are looking into independent living for me. Or supportive housing for the mentally disabled in the long term so I would have some supports as I live my life. And I want to move out from my parents house so they don’t have so much. Control over me and criticism of my clothing choices. When I was younger I never thought I would be in this situation with having my parents as my legal guardians after having a mental breakdown and dissociating from reality. I’m tired of silly rules like you shouldn’t wear hats, scarves, hoods, and coats or handwarmers at the table. I’m sick of being threatened with not being taken out if I refuse to change the way I dress.
I am sick of my mother and father calling me names and patronizing me with how they think I should dress. Names like looking like a clown, buffoon, or retard. They denigrate me, ridicule me, name call me, and disrespect me. My mother says I invite it because of how ridiculous I am. They are such assholes when it. Comes to my clothes. They accuse me of being overheated and inappropriately. Dressed. They just can’t leave me alone to wear what I like in peace. My mother is ashamed of. Me and embarrassed by how I dress and she is supposedly sick of all the stares people give us or wait staff asking if the thermostat temperature needs to go up. In the restaurant. That was at Asian house. My mother threatens to rip apart my warm clothes and pajamas. She threatens to let me keep only one. Robe. Why is my family so unaccepting when it comes to my personal clothing choices? They say it is unhealthy and I am just being myself. I dress how I feel comfortable and I determine what is appropriate or. Right and wrong. I have such mindless conformists for. Parents. They think I need to be like everyone else in order to be functional and happy. They also don’t understand my circadian rhythm and energy cycle. They think if I go to bed earlier I will magically wake up with energy earlier in the day. That’s not the case.. my mother said she cant wait to put me in a place where there are rules for me to follow. Is that a threat to put me in a group home? I said she is not putting me anywhere. She said. She’ll put me wherever she thinks I belong. If I don’t like the way things are in my parents house, I can always leave she says. There is the whole world out there. Go somewhere where there are no rules then. My parents. Constantly remind me that if it wasn’t for them becoming my medical and legal guardians I would have already been out on the street. They are emotionally abusive but refuse to acknowledge it. My mother says she is tired of the bullshit over my clothing. She puts her hands on. Me and grabs me and wacks me and I wack her back. She grabbed my ear and. Pushed me backward. I’m tired of her putting her hands on me. Even if it’s not enough to leave a mark. I feel I wish I never developed mental illness so that way I could take care of myself and leave. My mom is tired of my attitude she says. I said I’m not changing my clothing to appease anyone. She says I won’t I refuse I I I. She thinks all I think about is myself. She says that people. With mental illness want to get better and take some control of their lives but not me. I want to be trapped by an obsession with clothes and food. She can get so nasty and my parents ask me if I don’t respond right away to a question if I took a stupid pill. I feel like it is not worth living with them anymore but I have no way out for the foreseeable future. I’m unemployed and on supplemental security income disability benefits. My dad is my payee and he puts a few hundred extra in a joint account we have so I have spending money. The rest are for expenses like student loans. I dug my hole by not learning to take care of myself and my mother said as long as I’m dependent on them she will never get me another car and see me driving again if I don’t change my habits. I feel so stuck. What have I done? I could go on but my family has control over me at the end. I refuse to budge to their controlling tactics but it’s getting harder to stand my ground when they keep restricting me. My mother said if I didn’t change my ways and meet her halfway to figure it out about going out. She said back in the old days they kept schizophrenics locked up in the house. She even called me a schizo after I told her to go fuck herself. She refuses to accommodate my ridiculousness with my clothing. There is nothing to accommodate this is how I feel comfortable dressing to keep warm and comfortable when the weather is cold outside and the inside of the house is not warm either. And inside of most places it’s like room temperature which is only about 70 degrees not warm at all. Most families would have kicked me out from the house I know they only remind me every so often. But that doesn’t give them an excuse to be emotionally abusive, critical, and controlling. It doesn’t give my mother the right to wack. And grab me. My sister. Is on my parents side about the whole. Bullshit about my clothing. She thinks they are looking out for me. I say they my are controlling me and putting me down. I just want to be left alone about my clothing.. is that too much to ask?
I am sick of my mother and father calling me names and patronizing me with how they think I should dress. Names like looking like a clown, buffoon, or retard. They denigrate me, ridicule me, name call me, and disrespect me. My mother says I invite it because of how ridiculous I am. They are such assholes when it. Comes to my clothes. They accuse me of being overheated and inappropriately. Dressed. They just can’t leave me alone to wear what I like in peace. My mother is ashamed of. Me and embarrassed by how I dress and she is supposedly sick of all the stares people give us or wait staff asking if the thermostat temperature needs to go up. In the restaurant. That was at Asian house. My mother threatens to rip apart my warm clothes and pajamas. She threatens to let me keep only one. Robe. Why is my family so unaccepting when it comes to my personal clothing choices? They say it is unhealthy and I am just being myself. I dress how I feel comfortable and I determine what is appropriate or. Right and wrong. I have such mindless conformists for. Parents. They think I need to be like everyone else in order to be functional and happy. They also don’t understand my circadian rhythm and energy cycle. They think if I go to bed earlier I will magically wake up with energy earlier in the day. That’s not the case.. my mother said she cant wait to put me in a place where there are rules for me to follow. Is that a threat to put me in a group home? I said she is not putting me anywhere. She said. She’ll put me wherever she thinks I belong. If I don’t like the way things are in my parents house, I can always leave she says. There is the whole world out there. Go somewhere where there are no rules then. My parents. Constantly remind me that if it wasn’t for them becoming my medical and legal guardians I would have already been out on the street. They are emotionally abusive but refuse to acknowledge it. My mother says she is tired of the bullshit over my clothing. She puts her hands on. Me and grabs me and wacks me and I wack her back. She grabbed my ear and. Pushed me backward. I’m tired of her putting her hands on me. Even if it’s not enough to leave a mark. I feel I wish I never developed mental illness so that way I could take care of myself and leave. My mom is tired of my attitude she says. I said I’m not changing my clothing to appease anyone. She says I won’t I refuse I I I. She thinks all I think about is myself. She says that people. With mental illness want to get better and take some control of their lives but not me. I want to be trapped by an obsession with clothes and food. She can get so nasty and my parents ask me if I don’t respond right away to a question if I took a stupid pill. I feel like it is not worth living with them anymore but I have no way out for the foreseeable future. I’m unemployed and on supplemental security income disability benefits. My dad is my payee and he puts a few hundred extra in a joint account we have so I have spending money. The rest are for expenses like student loans. I dug my hole by not learning to take care of myself and my mother said as long as I’m dependent on them she will never get me another car and see me driving again if I don’t change my habits. I feel so stuck. What have I done? I could go on but my family has control over me at the end. I refuse to budge to their controlling tactics but it’s getting harder to stand my ground when they keep restricting me. My mother said if I didn’t change my ways and meet her halfway to figure it out about going out. She said back in the old days they kept schizophrenics locked up in the house. She even called me a schizo after I told her to go fuck herself. She refuses to accommodate my ridiculousness with my clothing. There is nothing to accommodate this is how I feel comfortable dressing to keep warm and comfortable when the weather is cold outside and the inside of the house is not warm either. And inside of most places it’s like room temperature which is only about 70 degrees not warm at all. Most families would have kicked me out from the house I know they only remind me every so often. But that doesn’t give them an excuse to be emotionally abusive, critical, and controlling. It doesn’t give my mother the right to wack. And grab me. My sister. Is on my parents side about the whole. Bullshit about my clothing. She thinks they are looking out for me. I say they my are controlling me and putting me down. I just want to be left alone about my clothing.. is that too much to ask?
31-35, F
