This is horrible for me to say but I’m starting to slowly hate my autistic little brother ,

He drives me crazy. I hate the fact that my mom decided to have a child that has such a huge age differences compared to all other children . He screams , claps and spits all the time . I understand it’s not his fault and that it’s the condition he has but it’s so stressful for everyone including myself . He is not like a normal child where you tell him to stop doing bad behaviour and he stops . In fact he will be laughing while doing things to purposely annoy people . For example I can’t watch tv in peace because he turns it on and offf. While I’m cooking or cleaning he turns the light on and off and it’s hard to do everyday life task because he will be tapping me every second saying “ mama “ . He is non verbal so the only word he can say is mama and that’s it. I hear the word mama 1 million times a day . I am starting to hate that word too lol . I don’t know if I will ever have kids of my own or adopt one .