It's been two weeks now....

It's been two week since I came to my mums and moved out with my boyfriend and he still saying itsmymumsdoing that I'm her puppit.
I told him last Monday he could have his daughter over the weekend but because I told him I wasn't coming he decided he didn't want to come and I told our daughter that he was coming to get her so you can imagine so instead of having her friday and bringing her back Sunday he had her Saturday to Sunday.
He brought her back at 12 so I could do her some dinner and then she could have a nap but because he prolonged her coming in she got so worked up she wouldn't eat her dinner so I thought a sleep would work for her to relax a bit but I was wrong she cried herself to sleep it was horrible and yo top that of when she finally went sleep she was crying in her sleep and whimpering.
I had a hat with him that I didn't want this happening that it's not gonna work this is the second time it's happened I can't put her threw this if he cared this much about her when we lived in the same house we couldn't be in all this mess.

I told him it will be best if he didn't see her he didn't show any of us interest when we lived in same house for nearly three years he showed little interest and when second was born he was the same very little interest. I tried for him to make it work but I can't put the kids threw this.

Did I do the right thing...?
He said we should see a family solicitor for a professional opinion that I can't stop him seeing kids and that he would take me to court..... I don't need this stress and either do my kids

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Zeusdelight · 61-69, M

If the adults can work arrangements out between them maturely it is always a 1000% better for the children. If the adults continually fight, the children lose.

It is not time for either of you to be trying to apportion the blame or take the high moral ground.

MiraRoss · 31-35, F

@Zeusdelight I've tired to talk to him about it but he won't lisern I never want to take it to court because we ansort it out ourselves he just won't lisern

Zeusdelight · 61-69, M

@MiraRoss Sometimes they need adult training. Has he ever been a good listener?

MiraRoss · 31-35, F

@Zeusdelight we've talked about this four times now and this time I left could do it anymore. Doing everything for him all time and looking after kids as well he's had plenty of time

Zeusdelight · 61-69, M

@MiraRoss Nothing in my comments is meant to indicate whether I think you should get back together or stay apart. Here is a strange suggestion. You know you are both in a different relationship with each other now. Why not go to a relationship counsellor to help you work out how to relate now. Get him to pick one, as long as they are accredited and see if it works.

It is an unusual suggestion, however, they counsel all types of relationships and should be able to assist each of you to communicate where you are now.

Don't be afraid the relationship counsellor will get you back together. Decent ones will respect where you are and help from there.

MiraRoss · 31-35, F

@Zeusdelight I don't want to get back with him I wasted three years with him was like being a slave to him we've tried working it out. It's just notment to be

Mindful · 56-60, F

@MiraRoss he meant a counselor that can help you decide how to share your child in a healthy way. The baby needs to be fed by both of you in a reasonable time. If he can’t do this, he should be able to pick up the baby for short period of times. The law does protect the father. More importantly your daughter need to KNOW that even if your boyfriend is an idiot he did nit hate her or completely abandon her. He’s just an idiot. But he does still want to know his child. That matters to a child’s heart.

MiraRoss · 31-35, F

@Mindful he's doing all this to keep close to me and not for the kids he's made that clear.baby is ten months old now and he never woke up when she needed feeding so I wouldn't let him have her over night.
Everyone he had our old kid she would cry all the time for few day this time it was worse I don't want to put her threw it,he didn't spend any time with her so I'd say he neglected her even when she was in same house.was like I was a maid for him and he let us live in same house

Mindful · 56-60, F

@MiraRoss yep. Well you need to write journal at least some dates to keep a record even a small one...you can type same same same etc. yep men have been given a bail out card from the time they are kids. They aren’t encouraged to care for children so they don’t know how. People teach them to love sports, cars, computer gaming, and food. Naturally women. I’ve never seen a regular show or movie that portrays men as fathers caring for daughter except to depict it almost as a joke or dad as a hero. But not as someone who cares about babies the way women do.

MiraRoss · 31-35, F

@Mindful yes but that don't give men the right to walk over a mother and kids.im not the only woman to be with him.ive talked with him about it tried helping him to be a dad but he didn't want to know. I know of other guys who are good dads

Mindful · 56-60, F

@MiraRoss the men I know are GREAT dads. Honestly, if I’m going to be in a relationship my first criteria and I NEVER say it out loud, but I ask myself : is he great father material? Would he have good advice to give a child? Is he a great role model? Does he like kids and think they are fun? Or is he the opposite? If a guy fails in those areas, he won’t get to help me into a car much less, and won’t have access to anything else!

MiraRoss · 31-35, F

@Mindful he was a great guy and we did talk about having kids before trying and he seemed good about it intill she was born.
He didn't seem interested at all intill I moved out

Zeusdelight · 61-69, M

@MiraRoss Not interested in you getting back together. Very interested in you re-establishing communication for your children. That's wat a good Relationship Counsellor can do as well as respect where your relationship is and the wishes of the parties to the relationship.

MiraRoss · 31-35, F

@Zeusdelight we tried it and he was always wanting me to come out with them and if I said no he'd be in a mood don't want our daughter having to deal with him and I don't want her crying herself to sleep every night he brings her home or doesn't want to come

Zeusdelight · 61-69, M

@MiraRoss I don't blame you.

Any chance of having someone look after the daughter while you both go to the counselling.

At the moment he is acting like a hurt person who thinks he is unjustly hurt when he is not.

It means you giving a lot, but any chance he may be open to sorting daughter time and adult communication through counselling?

I know it is asking a lot of you, but in the long term it will be for the benefit of you all.

MiraRoss · 31-35, F

@Zeusdelight from what he's told me and his actions all he's trying to do it get me back.hes also blocked my number so can't contact him