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I asked for help.....

We had tea a little late as it took a lot longer than I’d hoped so it was gone 8pm
Gave baby her milk at 9 and tuck her up to bed and boom she was wide awake. My two year old was still up ( she don’t sleep on her own someone has to go up with her, it’s a working progress)
Boyfriend come in living room after watching videos on his laptop in kitchen and says “ it’s getting later and later there both being up” and I said I can’t put our two year old to bed till babies in bed. And after five minutes he says he’s going bed so he goes up about an hour later babies about ready for sleep so I take her up and he’s in bed watching a video. go back down and listen to monitor till baby is asleep ( they both sleep in same room, but I can’t take em up at same time as baby won’t fall asleep if I’m in room)
And now 11pm and I’m sat in there room waiting for two year old to fall asleep.

Must I ask him every time when he can see I need help with them like he could of tuck our two year old up to bed when he went up she was ready for sleep.

I’ve still got to clean kitchen and living room till I go bed.
Open your eyes man

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ozgirl512 · 26-30, F

Yeah...I always thought parentship was a shared responsibility

MiraRoss · 31-35, F

@ozgirl512 yea same

ozgirl512 · 26-30, F

@MiraRoss time for the talk... Is he family the same, the woman does most things?

MiraRoss · 31-35, F

@ozgirl512 we’ve had many talks too many I’m too “ nice” nah his family isn’t the same

ozgirl512 · 26-30, F

@MiraRoss so his attitude comes from him and not a family trait. That's good, have you thought about asking advice from his mom.... She might be shocked that's he's behaving so badly

MiraRoss · 31-35, F

@ozgirl512 she kinda knows my mum talked with her without my knowing

ozgirl512 · 26-30, F

@MiraRoss maybe they can give you advice still

OogieBoogie · F

@ozgirl512 ahh....be careful asking a mum about her son.

I did tjat once ....NEVER AGAIN!

She didn't want to hear about her darling baby boys failings.

ozgirl512 · 26-30, F

@OogieBoogie no, I understand your point totally, that's why I said it was good that it wasn't a family trait inherited from the mother ..

MiraRoss · 31-35, F

@ozgirl512 she’d got ape at him I know how it would go

OogieBoogie · F

@MiraRoss speaking from experience, gurl....lay down the law.

He's a dad for shits sake !

He should be able to at least take care of his own child for one night a week !

I've seen wjere this behaviour ends up....You with no life outside the kids and the home.

And if you really need to ...

Look up basic human rights.

Everyone deserves the right to rest and relaxation from work .

MiraRoss · 31-35, F

@ozgirl512 believe it or not her had other kids with two other ladies

ozgirl512 · 26-30, F

@MiraRoss i don't think you want that, yet, but she still probably knows him better than you do might have some ideas to move his ass

MiraRoss · 31-35, F

@OogieBoogie yeah we really do need to have a chat again but this time it will be the last as you have said I don’t have a life outside this house and with COVID I’ve not even been to my mums for nearly a year

ozgirl512 · 26-30, F

@MiraRoss you do need some form of escape!

OogieBoogie · F

@MiraRoss word of advice.

Don't explain.

Men seem to tune out real easy.

Personally - one night (say a night tjat he hasn't worked during the day), if I was you...id just get up, hand him the baby monitor and say "your turn Dad, mommy's turn to sleep "

And that's it .

No debate , no argument .

Just do it .

Be brave gurl ...you deserve respect.

And you deserve rest every now and then .

MiraRoss · 31-35, F

@ozgirl512 ye I really do I’m struggling mentally now it’s horrible when I get worked up.

I’ve never been a brave person I always have things I want to say to him but can never get it out @OogieBoogie

ozgirl512 · 26-30, F

@MiraRoss I understand... It's hard to be assertive when you never have before!
There is assertiveness training and you may find some free courses on line... And assertiveness training isn't about getting your own way, it's about being able to voice your side and your needs

OogieBoogie · F

@MiraRoss oh gurl.

I know that feeling.

Guys can be very intimidating.

And I hate saying this- but.if you
Dont take care of yourself, and he doesn't care....this ends up a bad road to travel.

A relationship is sharing.
Parenthood is a responsibility- for both parents.

And if he thinks bringing in the money is the only thing a father has to do.....hes wrong .

A true father loves and cares for his kids as well.

This is sort of why I suggested jist doing it .

Hand him the monitor and say "goodnight "

Make it as least confrontational as possible.

You NEED this.

And I'm speaking from experience: I was loving, supportive, gave in, and let him make decisions .

And all,that does is give them the freedom to push the boundaries till you have nothing of your own, not even your sense of self.

It leads to a life of fear, deprivation and isolation.

And standing up to tjem gets harder and harder.

You're a mother!

You're the strongest toughest most enduring thingin the world!!!

And do you think your children deserve your best, or a lost, fearful over tired you?

If you can't do it for yourself.

Do it for your kids.

I wish to you to see the strength that you have💜

MiraRoss · 31-35, F

@ozgirl512 @OogieBoogie I’m gonna be talking with him tonight try get kids sleeping early as we need to see if he’s gonna help otherwise for my children sake and my own it may be better to go out separate ways

OogieBoogie · F

@MiraRoss i wish you all the strength a focus you need gurl

Goodluck🤘

MiraRoss · 31-35, F

@OogieBoogie thank you for you help and support I really needed this

OogieBoogie · F

@MiraRoss i hope he sees he needs to be more than a man ....he needs.ti be a father.

Hold your ground , your relationship needs balance and respect.

MiraRoss · 31-35, F

@OogieBoogie I hope so too. In all honesty it be the third time we talk about this maybe it’s time to move on