Have any of you women experienced a stillbirth?

(And guys, if you come in and try to be smart asses about this, you will be blocked. This is serious.)

A dear friend of mine has just gone through that a few days ago, and I she has a few questions, that of course, I couldn't answer myself.

How did you get through it?

How long was your physical recovery?

Were you able to have children thereafter, and if so were the births difficult? (of course, her biggest concern/fear)

And from myself....How can I be there for her without being too intrusive?

This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »

LookingForIt987 · 51-55, M

I'm so very sorry for your friend's loss. I can't even imagine the heartbreak and pain. 💔

My wife and I thankfully never experienced this. A friend of mine did, though. Unfortunately, they didn't live near us so I had to watch from afar...

[b]How did you get through it?[/b]

I really don't know how they did, frankly. Both a deeply religious, and they certainly drew some strength from their faith. They leaned on family and friends - sometimes a lot more than they ever expected to, and sometimes for seemingly simple things like, "Oh, we need milk."

[b]Were you able to have children thereafter, and if so were the births difficult? (of course, her biggest concern/fear)[/b]

My friend and his wife (well, they're both my friend,really) were in fact able to have two beautiful, wonderful girls. The girls knew about their "brother in heaven" from the beginning. Both pregnancies were thoroughly normal, although of course they were terrified each time.

Everybody is different, of course. From what I understand a whole lot of the answer here depends on [i]why[/i]. This is a conversation your friend can have with her doctor once she's ready.

[b]And from myself....How can I be there for her without being too intrusive?[/b]

My opinion? Be intrusive, at least sometimes. Cook dinner. Take their dirty laundry back to your house and bring it back the next day. Arrange for somebody to mow their lawn. They're reeling, and our society teaches us that whenever somebody asks, "What can I do to help" we usually don't say. That doesn't mean you should [i]always[/i] be intrusive, of course. Ask what they need/want and listen to what they say - and how they say it. But if they tell you some form of "nothing" pretty consistently, find something to help with.

Aside from that, be a rock for her. Give her - and her husband! - your shoulder whenever it's needed. Hold her hand while she talks through her feelings. Offer to take her - or at least go with her - to any doctor's appointments. And never judge her, no matter how tempting it may be at times. We all grieve differently; there's no right or wrong way. Let her grieve her way, and support her as best as you can through it.

Good luck. Again, I'm so sorry your friend is having to go through this. 😥

silentwriter180 · 51-55, F

@LookingForIt987 I thank you, and will share your information with you. Being that they were able to have wonderful children later will lift her spirits.

LookingForIt987 · 51-55, M

@silentwriter180 My heart breaks for your friend and her husband. You're an amazing friend to go to this length for her - so many people (even well-intentioned) have no idea what to do, so they do nothing and wait to be asked.

Be their rock until they can be each other's rock. Continue to love them as you did before, and do random acts of kindness for them.

silentwriter180 · 51-55, F

@LookingForIt987 I will, thank you. She and I went to school together and we've continued our friendship since, through good and bad. This would've been her first child, and she was asking about things I just didn't know. My reason for reaching out. My heart breaks for her everyday that I speak with her or her husband. They are both very dear to me.
I appreciate the help I've gotten here and have been passing info on to her husband. He is grateful.

LookingForIt987 · 51-55, M

@silentwriter180 We all should be lucky enough to have a friend as dear as you! 💞

silentwriter180 · 51-55, F

@LookingForIt987 I thank you, dear. xo

silentwriter180 · 51-55, F

@LookingForIt987 I lost my soon a few weeks ago, but at least I had gotten to knoe him before he died. It breaks my heart that that never had that chance.

LookingForIt987 · 51-55, M

@silentwriter180 I recall seeing your posts about that. I'm so very sorry. 💔 It's something no parent should ever have to experience. Please remember to also take care of yourself.

If it's OK to give you a warm virtual hug, then please consider yourself hugged. 🤗

silentwriter180 · 51-55, F

@LookingForIt987 Thank you for the hugs. They are warmly received.