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Why is my family telling me to move on and let go of my mother (brutally honest answers please)?

I overheard my dad talking to my oldest cousin about me dwelling on the last. He was like, "She needs to let go. Her mother is dead. Gone. Finished. She gets angry and jealous when she sees people bonding with THEIR mothers and she needs to stop the jealously. I know it's normal to feel that way but she should be happy they have their moms still snf she should be happy of the wonderful years she had with hers. I told her, 'Look I know you miss your mom, but she is gone. She isn't coming back and once people are dead. They're dead. Once they go to heaven, they won't wanna come back to this cruel world. Stop dwelling over the past and you need to focus on yourself and move over and take care of yourself. Put your big girl pants and be a WOMAN.' She should know she isn't coming back. She always drags people down when they're trying to be happy and she gets upset that they are happy and she is still angry about four years ago. We all are still but we all moved on and that's what she needs to do. Let go of her mom.'"
I looked at my dad and he was like, "Yes, I'm taking about you missy. You need to move on and stop living in the last." My cousin said, "Yep that's true. That's the truth."
Even my friends are telling me to move on and when they have fun at an event, when I bring it up, my bestie cuts me off anc said, "We're not discussing that tonight. We're having fun and they're no sense of being sad."
I told her I know but I can't help and people act happy and never happened and don't care that I'm said. My best friend got irritated saying, "Look! It's a party and we're supposed to have fun, not drag people down on your misery. Maybe someome should break outta YOUR misery. You mom would knock some sense into you right? SO can't be sad all the time. Your mom would want to have fun but instead you keep trying to drag everyone down! It's going to ruin your life. Smile! Have fun. We're not doing this tonight. If you're going to keep doing that and talk about your mom, I think you should leave." Then she walked off. I can't believe my best friend said that to me. Can you? Sorry of this is long to read.
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gmatthewb · 51-55, M
I can understand this from both your side and from their side. I know that you want to talk about your mother and how her loss is effecting you, they can't really understand your feelings on it because they are not you. But at the same time, I can understand their side. They have moved on and don't like being reminded often about it because it might be hard on them to remember. My suggestion to you is to find someone who is willing to listen to you and talk until you get it all out of your system. You won't really be able to move on until you get it all out. Then you can start moving on with your life. I think you just need a sympathetic ear and someone to listen without giving you a hard time about it. I am sure once you are able to talk about how you feel, that you will start to feel better about it. Hope that helps a bit and I really do wish you all the best. I am also very sorry for your loss.
SassySpiceSexy · 26-30, F
@gmatthewb Thank you! It makes me sick seeing women with their mothers. They don't care if I'm hurt.
gmatthewb · 51-55, M
@SassySpiceSexy They are not doing it to upset you or hurt you though. But I can see why it bothers you. Once you are able to deal with your loss and your emotions, it won't bother you as much. May I ask how long ago you lost your mother?
SassySpiceSexy · 26-30, F
@gmatthewb Four years ago...well four years this July. I'm even jealous of my dad because he still has his mother (grandma)
gmatthewb · 51-55, M
@SassySpiceSexy Have you had any counselling to help you with the loss of your mother? Do any of your friends or family want to listen to you about it any more?
SassySpiceSexy · 26-30, F
@gmatthewb No. I mean theyre very sad about her death too but they moved on and my dad says I need to move on and stop throwing misery around everyone. My friends are tired of hearing it too.
gmatthewb · 51-55, M
@SassySpiceSexy Well, I do agree that you should move on. But I think it is important for you to find your own way of moving on. You can't be forced to move on, but it isn't emotionally healthy for you to hold on to your sadness this long. Maybe it would help you to think how your mother would want you to live your life, would she want you to be like this or to move on? When I loose a friend or family member, that is how I think. I picture them standing beside me and pretend I can hear them telling me how they would want me to deal with their loss. It has helped me in the past. Possible that you just need to find what works for you.