Parents, is your son or daughter struggling in school?

My 12 year old is in the 7th grade and shows no motivation and is very lazy with school work. He is currently getting D's and F's in four of his classes. I know I'm responsible for this, and have tried almost everything I know of to help him. I have taken away things, we set goals and stay on top of his homework and class work. We monitor his activities and nothing is abnormal. He does well for a short stint, as soon as I feel comfortable and confident that he has "caught on" I let go of the reigns and give him space. As soon as I do that... he is back to the same ol' habits. I try and not be to strict, I never liked that approach, but I feel like I may have to be. Any parents with the same issue?

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MayaHope · 41-45, F

I wish I had this level of worry. My son has autism and finds school incredibly stressful. He was excluded before our half term break and it knocked him way back.

I’m not minimising your concern though.

What do we know aboutb12 year olds and brain development?
We know that during puberty the executive functioning capacity is reduced at the very moment we start to expect so much more of them in terms of regulating emotions and organising themselves. This may look a bit like ADD/ADHD but in most cases is just neurodevelopmentally typical

Their priorities change too as peer group and autonomy is more important than school and parents.

I think the best advice is to help with learning to learn and organisation without doing it for him. Check in once or twice a week and ask questions, what do you need to do, what’s your priority? Get him to make the plan.

Does he have any goals or aspirations? Use these to make learning purposeful?

Maybe encourage him to build it into a routine and gradually reduce your support?

Another thing to check out would be difficulties like bullying? This can lead to dips in performance due to the level of worry and fear. Also in the uk our children transition to a new school at 11/12 and we know there is a dip in academic performance when this happens due to the demands of adapting to a very different school. 6 months is normal for most kids to settle.

But who am I to advise? He is 12. He’ll be okay! Sometimes the more we worry the worse it seems to get.

SW-User

Could there be a possible learning disability? ADD, ADHD perhaps? Has he ever been tested? What were his grades like in elementary school?

JoeR80 · 46-50, M

@SW-User His grades were fair to good. Not exceptional. He is very artistic. All of his workbooks and notebooks are littered in doodles and really cool drawings. My conversations with his teachers are all similar: "He is very smart and sharp, but only does his work when he wants to". He passes all his tests, crazy enough. He retains the information and is smart enough to complete quizzes with high scores. Yet, his answer is the same... sorry dad i'll do better. No fight. No arguments. He knows what he needs to do. I wish there was some sort of struggle, something I can use as a reference.

SW-User

@JoeR80 honestly it sounds as though he may be gifted. Maybe ask the school to have him tested. They must do it if you request it, by law. I say that only becasue you mention that he nails his tests.

Also, there could be some mental health stuff going on. Has his friends changed recently? Do you suspect any drug use?

Things like this are a "whole picture" kind of deal. It could be a lot of things.

LucyFuhr · 56-60, F

I hate to jump on the "ADD umbrella" wagon, especially considering the way that's treated these days but it might be something worth looking into.

SW-User

Try to talk with him if he has problems with girlfriend,friends sports or other stuff or if he doesn’t like his school you could also change it

GirlSerendipity · 26-30, F

school can just be hard sometimes, especially in middle school . . . hopefully he'll get it eventually

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