I Believe Parenting Is The Hardest Job Anyone Could Ever Have

The struggle of a parent.
Confusion and a role that I never wish to face.
Although I admire the strength and resilience of those who are parents, and who manage(d) to raise children.
There is that side where if a parent is too overprotective, and the child has a wonderful, peaceful, and balanced life in the home; they can have a breakdown when they go to the real world and see how it really is.
We have the story of Siddhartha Gautama, who was a prince sheltered by his parents where he was never exposed to death, poverty, sickness, or people suffering.
When Siddhartha ventured outside his palace he was perplexed by the homeless, the sick, people dying, and everything around him.
He became almost traumatized, left everything, abandoned attachment to all material things, and became an icon known as the “Buddha” today.
Then there is the other side where if a child grows up around too much chaos, then peace is just something unknown to them and so they live and are accustomed to chaos, and will most likely create chaos for others because their mind never got a blueprint to emulate of what we know as kindness, self-control, or awareness of what belongs to others, and what is not theirs, and why, etc.
These are people that are taught to be con artists.
That the second they smell a possibly gullible or naive person, it’s time for the catch and to use them as a means to an end, that’s all they were taught, all they know.
So how do you find the perfect balance? Or is there even a perfect balance of how to make a child grow into an adult that is comfortable and not traumatized or angry with their existence in this world?
Some parents that have tried to be the best, and have been the best, are perplexed by offspring that can’t seem to adapt, that aren’t happy.
Well it’s because the world of chaos out there is not what their mind was accustomed to in the peaceful, balanced home where fighting was something unknown.
Some kids have grown up in chaos, yet become a success at being able to navigate through life.
Chaos was the norm so they rose above it and were able to conquer it, they weren’t taken aback.
Is there a middle ground? Is there a way to make a child love their life and this world?
Some parents think distraction, fun, entertainment, sports, art, etc. will keep their son/daughter’s mind entertained enough to where they don’t have time to “think” themselves to the dumps of reality.
Some minds are just flat-out different.
Some minds are too deep for what this world has to offer, some become monks, missionaries, some need to go to a religion/relationship with a higher power to find the will to live, some do jobs that require a greater degree of selflessness, and they enjoy challenging the ego, some just don’t like it here no matter how hard you try to make them like it.
And that is why I hope to never have children because I want to be that entertainment from the real world for others, for anyone around me.
I want to be the laughter, the crazy, the hippie, the writer, the jokester, the intensity.
Yet in my mind all I see in this world is people forced to adapt to a world they had no choice in existing in, in order to be found pleasing, productive, and harmless or be disposed and done away with in a jail, insane asylum, or with a label/diagnosis of not being “fully functional” to the necessities of those around them.
So you have to put on your mask whether you like it or not, and if you want to live you have to get up and get going, no one will do the work, for you, that you need to do to survive.
I can’t stand this conditional reality dependent on a paper (money) to stay alive.
I can’t stand that nodding heads is the condition of pats on the back and shaking heads are the “evil”, the “bad” ones.
I can’t stand that my body has five senses that can’t truly enjoy that which brings displeasure to them, although I try my best to control my mind towards the direction most find acceptable and pleasing.
I try to teach myself that no matter how hard I try people will talk shit, that is the norm, can’t trust anyone, that is the norm, people will complain, that is the norm.
To not be hurt by false expectations.
That’s me working on myself.
That’s me out there trying to make people laugh and feel worthy so they don’t focus on the conditional reality I disdain.
A conditional reality that I wasn’t aware of because I grew up in a peaceful and balanced environment where I thought everyone was balanced, peaceful, and caring.
I didn’t realize that it isn’t our instinct to be these things, it has to be taught, and of all of us that are taught, it’s even hard to carry these tenants out when displeasure hits our sense of sight, smell, taste, hearing, or feeling.
I want people to be happy.
I want to control my mind.
But I can’t do it, having the mind I have, after realizing how things work, I can’t be a parent.
I admire parents and I don’t know how you guys do it.
How you balance the endless chatter of “I want, I want, I want”, and making your children do things they don’t want to do so that as adults they can be masters at survival and swerving through this life with courage and self-control.
I will never tell this to a kid straight up, I always tell them the “make a difference” lines I was given when I pondered these questions as a youngster.
I can’t be a parent because if I had a child ask me, “Why? I don’t want to do that, I don’t want to.”
I would break down, I can’t just say, “It’s for your own good, you’ll thank me when you’re older” or “You have a behavioral disorder I have to take you to a doctor”.
The truth is this, “Why you ask? You are here as the consequence of my action, it is unfair from the get go you didn’t get to pick your existence, your genes, your brain, body, the world, and all it contained with its people, laws, and ways before you even came to be. You have to adapt, and you have to adapt to the liking and the pace that majority have considered ‘preferable’ and ‘normal’ in order to not be labeled as having a problem since all that matters is that as an adult you can be pleasing, productive, harmless, and make money because if you are not convenient to others all that awaits you in complete apathy from others and being outcast. You have to adapt because I want you to live whether you like it here or not. You come from my flesh, I like to see you, to hear you, to hug you, so that I am not alone, I have fed you, have tried so hard to keep you alive and entertained, I may not have all the money in the world but I tried my best to make you happy honey, so you have to like it here or I have to take you to see a psychiatrist!”
If there is a higher power, a Creator, a God I am not against it(him) whatsoever, I just feel fake after being presented with the promise of heaven, protection, blessings, and strength, from conveniently the greatest power in existence that can save me from hell; that just feels like I’m a celestial gold digger, being on the side of the most powerful for my own eternal self-preservation and pleasure. How is my “belief” of “devotion” to God relevant when I feel disgust at things not going conveniently as I want or someone posing a threat and me wishing them locked up without mercy because I want to live safe?How can one say we “love” God? We love ourselves, and the convenience we can get from him after being presented with all of this. Only if none of us knew of a Creator, and the Creator would see our actions without our awareness of him watching us or planning to reward or punish us, THEN things would feel more genuine and less shallow. I don’t want God to think I’m just a person rubbing his lamp to fuel my desires. Ideally I’d rather not touch the lamp so he doesn’t feel used, if he exists in the genie way people believe him to be, where everything goes well for “us” who believe, but not the starving kids in Africa because of “sinful ancestry” or “us” who destroy plant and animal at our leisure to fuel our survival, but that isn’t taking a living being’s life since God says it’s okay. Well I hate to sound like a person asking you for benefits God, if you do exist in the personal way, the phenomenal design of ourselves and all around us is mind-boggling and does hint to the fact we are NOT in ultimate control in this world and life, but please don’t ever make me be a parent, let me be a clown, let me make people laugh, and feel worthy beyond their function, let me distract them from the fact that nodding heads gains rewards from you and everyone else, but the rebel head shakers apparently get hell... please let me be someone to distract others in this life they didn’t ask to exist in, but spare me from being a puppeteer for the sake of survival and money, please, let me just make people feel... like the negative label ascribed to them was a mistake. If you exist in the genie way people believe you as, please 🙏. Thank you. And I’m grateful beyond expression for so much, for everything and everyone in my life, even my mind that likes to dissect even the most minute of notions.
And my greatest of respects and admiration to all parents, I don’t know how you do it, but you are people of great strength and self-control, at least the ones that are actually trying their best at it and overcoming the stress of it.
If you aren’t overcoming the stress, I don’t judge you, I understand, it’s hard to even deal with ourselves at times, how much more offspring brought to this world, not entirely our fault since we didn’t make our bodies to create offspring, especially when we just needed a quick breather, an outlet, a moment where instincts gets the best of us, and then BAM out pops a child.
Great depth and thought into what it is to be a parent.
Something one never knows until it happens or until we are exposed to what it is to be a kid.
Laughter and words, that is all I want to be, not confined to anything other than laughter and words.
Yup, laughter and words, that’s me.