Will you ever smack your child?

@Stark Kids are not easy, they can get up to all different types of things, I am asking if one smack is really all that bad?

@WildHeart I think with limit of course it's fine parents do get frustrated and children are a handful and they many view that as a good way to discipline. I wouldn't consider it abuse, but I wouldn't consider it good for the child. If anything it creates fear, sometimes resentment, and a lot of parents can tend to just resort to spanking instead of communicating with their child...it does have a lot of minor side affects that I don't think many people are aware of but again, I wouldn't consider it abuse or wrong if someone chose to go in that direction of raising their child. Personally I wouldn't discipline my child physically and I was never disciplined in that way growing up and I turned out fine I always respect my parents and still do but I wouldn't judge someone if they chose to go in that direction.

@Stark I don't hit my kids, I am a single mom. I always talk, talk, talk. When I feel anger swelling up I just stay silent or ask them to give me a few minuted to recuperate. Out of my 3 kids my 5yr old has been the most challenging. I cried after I smacked his bottom, I felt pain too. It had to be done, time out and taking away privileges just didn't work.

@Stark I never resented my mother for my spankings. She was raising 4 children on her own & she had to take control.

@WildHeart I can tell you care a lot and you felt guilty simply by asking this question. I couldn't imagine being a single parent especially to three children you seem to be doing a great job with your children. I'm an only child, was raised by two parents, and I have no kids. All I know about children is what I learned in my child development class in psychology and I'm aware that's not the same as physically experiencing it 😅 So I do know it's not always black and white. I don't think what you did was wrong and I think you're doing a swell job. My stepdad didn't believe in spanking because his mom always resorted to spanking no matter what whether it was serious trouble or not. The punishment was always a spanking it creates fear and he still has resentment to this day for her. Although she was young and raising five children on her own so I can see how frustrating it can be but it's never okay to handle children when mad or upset so you seem to be doing an awesome job ! I think in moderation sparking is fine, and communication is extremely important. Your child should never be afraid of you and should always feel comfortable talking to you even when they are in trouble.

@Stark I enjoyed reading your replies, you have explained things so nicely. Thank you

@IntoMeYouSee Spanking rarely gives you control

@IntoMeYouSee that doesn't make it okay for that to be your only form of discipline or your only resort and it doesn't make it any better for the children in the long run but I am aware you're going to say "well I turn out just fine" I'm sure you did.

Edited

@ChefBrian it can make the point of having a consequence for their action.

Have you ever had to face consequences for your actions?

"Go to your room!" Does that sound like we made a child aware of their actions? no. Some kids would rather go to their rooms so they don't have to face their consequences. Is that what we teach here? No. That's why there's so many screwed up kids around thinking they can get away with shit. THEY needed their butts spanked and disciplined and if they didn't then their parents will pay their consequences for them and it won't be cheap and their tears will run for years and their guilt will haunt them for "not being the best parent that my child needed"

Being a single mother isn't easy. And were not talking about BEATING a child. That's abuse. Not spanking with your hand on the bottom.

@IntoMeYouSee
You are entitled to your own opinion. Read the research. It doesnt work. Kids soon forget. A sore ass lasts a few hours.. A solid punishment is one thats lasts a week, or more depending on age.
You think thats not punishment? Go to your room, youre right is not a punishment.
When I was a kid my dad had me go right to my room from school for a week.
Took out my phone.. My TV.. My Radio.
It was me. The walls and some books for a whole week. I only came down to eat dinner.
Those punishments gave you time to think. And didnt teach you to hit people when you feel they are wrong, or you are frustrated with them.

@IntoMeYouSee you spanking your child and not explaining to them what they've done wrong, why they shouldn't do it, and the reason behind their punishment isn't helpful. You may think it is because it shuts them up and gets them to do what you want but truth be told that's just the easy way of doing things and the easy way isn't always right. Chefbrian is right, spanking has been proven not to be the most effective way of Discipline And there are many side effects that come with it. There are plenty research proving that it's not the best way to discipline a child whether you're a single mother or not.

@ChefBrian absolutely, I value your appreciation & opinion.
good for you :>
Your folks handed you the punishment you needed and it was reflective

My sons best friend who Rest His Soul told me a month before his murder "mom, if my name was on your paddle, I would probably be a good kid like your son"...

@Stark ok. Sure.
I wish you the best of luck raising your children. If you ever have the need to discipline your children, and when whatever feather method isn't helpful, I hope when you resort to a spanking you won't get your feelings hurt.

@IntoMeYouSee Im not exactly sure.the context of your last story. And while you might think that rings a bell, it doesnt.
Its.possible his parents never gave a crap, and he got ZERO dicipline.
Doesnt mean a paddle would have saved his life.

@IntoMeYouSee well my parents parenting style worked out fine for me. I've never caused them any trouble, I've always been obedient, I go to school and work, and I always show them respect. They were always patient with me and never spanked me, my stepdad didn't believe in spanking because it was over used as a child for him growing up. Many people feel this method creates spoiled children or whatever but it doesn't if used right, similar with spanking. You can spank your children and they can still turned out spoiled or bad 🤷‍♀️ It's honestly how you use it and if you're communicating with your children and not over using it. Just because you choose not to discipline your child by spanking them doesn't mean they're going to turn out spoiled.

@Stark if they are the anti-christ. I'd beat an anti-christ.

@Stark You nailed it. I think most parents spank because they were spanked. There is no forward thinking there. Its, well this is how I was raised!
Its HARD to parent. To love, and earn respect and be kind. Is it better to be respected, or feared?
After enough spankings, you have to up the ante.. Then what? A paddle.. A hairbrush.. A belt??
If you think this earns you respect, you are sadly mistaken. Your children listen and obey out of FEAR of consequence. Not out of respect of doing right by their parents and what they have been taught.
My daughter respects me.. How I view her. Shes afraid to disappoint me.
I would take that over fear of a paddle EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Respect doesnt come easy. Takes time. Patience. EFFORT.
Smacking them takes ZERO effort. And the kids I have seen who get smacked.. Repeatedly get in trouble and never learn lessons.
The reason other methods "Dont Work" for you, is you likely arent consistent.
Consistency, is the hardest thing. Taking time to teach, to correct behaviors as they are going on. Far too many parents want well behaved children, and dont want to put in the work that it takes.

@ChefBrian All this is good and well, but know this. What works for you might not necessarily work for others. Judging other peoples disciplining methods this harshly is not only uncalled for but also unfair. In my case it is not about having control or not trying hard with other disciplinary methods OR lack of consistency, I did what I felt best for the situation at hand. If I knew asking this question would turn me into a child abuser then you know what, its time the members of the site learn to stop judging and assuming without full facts. Just like you so carelessly make mention that kids who were spanked as kids get into trouble I beg to differ in my oppinion it is those who have never faced any form of discipline or taught right from wrong are same that lack respect and are spoilt.

@WildHeart
Some of what you say is fair. Im not judging you and your isolated event of a slap. Its the "Spankers" that all come out of the woodwork hapoy to gloat about spanking theor kids with belts, paddles and hairbrushes.
Parents lead by example.
How on earth do you tell your kid, Dont hit other kids, and expect them to listen when you hit them.
Youre teaching them that this is ok behavior.
Hitting people is alright.
Is that the message you want to send? I love you, so I hit you?
You posted and asked a question. I answered it. I wasnt calling YOU a child abuser for 1 event.
If you use this as constant punishment, then yes, I think its abuse. Its my opinion and I am entitled to it.

@ChefBrian I hate violence, I would rather turn the other cheek than actually utter a word, I try to instill this in my kids in hopes that my teachings are adhered too. I am a mother to 3 kids. My son is the youngest, thus far raising him has been the most challenging especially since I am doing it all alone. I smacked his bottom once that was because I have put him in time out more times than I can count, I spoke to him over and over ( this usually works but not this time) I even took away his favourite play toys, he promised me he would never take money found in the house without asking my permission. He did it 3 times after I talked to him trying to explain how this is called stealing. By the 4th time I felt like he needed one smack across his bottom maybe then he would listen. To me it was painful, I cried like a baby. For him he just looked at me shocked at first then ignored me for an hour. Thereafter he said sorry and promised never to do it again. I still explained why I did it. No parent wants to see their child turn into a criminal.

@WildHeart that's interesting. Maybe he's not taking money because he wants it or needs it maybe it's for attention. Maybe it has more to do with just stealing 🤔