If I change but one life for the better with this post, I will be content. A true story.

To the 30+ year old man who bawled at his 10 year old son for 2+ minutes out loud on the beach and then slapped him round the head, hard. His only 'crime' was to inadvertently trip over his baby sister.

"Sir, you will probably never ever get to see this message, but my blood boiled and my heart sank to see what you did to your very own blessed son today. You will never read this, but another father tempted to do the same, just might, so I will try to explain to you, the error of your ways.

You see, sir, there is only one thing left after 'beatings' - and that - is 'double-beatings' - and neither of them have any merits or bear any fruit. They just evaporate any self-belief and confidence in a growing spirit that you, sir, are breaking, bit by bit by bit with every word you shout and every hand you raise.

And unfortunately, in your case, you will no doubt be surprised to see, in not so many fast speeding years, that same son, beat his own son, your cherished grandson.

And you will hang your head in sorrow and shame. For it will be too late.

Your sorry circle will be complete."

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spjennifer · 56-60, T

As the child of a father who never had a kinder word for me than "idiot" as in "Idiot, get out of the way, I'll do it, smack" I can definitely relate. That being said, there does have to be consequences for some of the actions of children but there are ways to discipline them and correct unruly behaviour that don't involve physical abuse and that's what that was, abuse, plain and simple.

Valentine · M

@spjennifer thank you.

I would share also that one needs to be almost just as careful with ‘verbal’ consequences. Emotional abuse can be just as painful and long lasting? “Praise the positive and coach the negative” always works, in my preferred world at least.

I am sorry to hear about your father. I took the life-changing steps of estranging my own father who turned out not only to be toxic but also a paedophile to my late younger sister, he gave her a life sentence. So, you understand that this cause has become part of my very DNA.

I hope it has made you stronger. I am perceptive enough to know with confidence that on a good day at least, it has.

Take care.
V.

spjennifer · 56-60, T

Thank you @Valentine in many ways it has made me stronger and like you, my relationship with my father ended when i turned 16 and left home, he died when i was 20 so no great loss there. I'm sure he was the product of psychological and physical abuse himself as this is more often than not propagated from abuser to abused who then become abusers themselves. I have not had any children for several reasons but also swore to end the cycle as I could never subject a child to what I was subjected.

Valentine · M

@spjennifer We stand together.

One cross I had to bear and process lately, after he had died, was that whilst it is hard, so hard to grieve the ones you love, it is satanically hard to process grief for someone you [i]should[/i] have loved.

Let’s move on though, eh? 😉

spjennifer · 56-60, T

@Valentine Mine was dead to me the day I left home all those years ago, I don't know that I ever grieved him though as an adult I have come to understand what he was and why, i hated him too much for grief but definitely moved on!

Valentine · M

@spjennifer Good. Hugs. Man hugs, that is. 😉

Carazaa · F

@spjennifer rewarding good behavior and rolemodeling good loving relationships are most effective!

spjennifer · 56-60, T

@Carazaa True, but children will also test you to see what the limits are and there do have to be limits as to how far you let them go before there are consequences to bad behaviour and I don't mean physical discipline but there do have to be some consequences or they just keep right at it. I'm not at all saying that in the OP's case that it was bad behaviour on the child's part but in certain cases it is.