If I change but one life for the better with this post, I will be content. A true story.

To the 30+ year old man who bawled at his 10 year old son for 2+ minutes out loud on the beach and then slapped him round the head, hard. His only 'crime' was to inadvertently trip over his baby sister.

"Sir, you will probably never ever get to see this message, but my blood boiled and my heart sank to see what you did to your very own blessed son today. You will never read this, but another father tempted to do the same, just might, so I will try to explain to you, the error of your ways.

You see, sir, there is only one thing left after 'beatings' - and that - is 'double-beatings' - and neither of them have any merits or bear any fruit. They just evaporate any self-belief and confidence in a growing spirit that you, sir, are breaking, bit by bit by bit with every word you shout and every hand you raise.

And unfortunately, in your case, you will no doubt be surprised to see, in not so many fast speeding years, that same son, beat his own son, your cherished grandson.

And you will hang your head in sorrow and shame. For it will be too late.

Your sorry circle will be complete."

This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »

AliceMortem · 31-35, F

As someone who was beaten I a child I can assure that if I ever have children they'll never suffer the same thing

Valentine · M

@AliceMortem Thank you. And I applaud your stance to 'break the circle'. I get just as irate when people say that those abused are more likely to go on and abuse others. This is absolute hogwash. As you are a clear example and advocate of. Power to you and all like you.

AliceMortem · 31-35, F

@Valentine I fear for some people that is the truth, as they either see it as the norm, or think "if I had to go through this as a child then my children should too". Fortunately there are past abuse victims like me that find the idea repulsive

Valentine · M

@AliceMortem You are not alone, my friend, in either being abused or in trying to defend against it. Again, more people like you, please...

greenmountaingal · 70-79, F

@Valentine Statistically, abused children are at greater risk for every kind of problem including abusing their own children. But individual people are not statistics. Most abused children grow up to be non-criminals and non-abusers. In fact, few of them turn out crazy by any definition. But the damage done by parental abuse takes a lot of joy out of a lot of childhoods and is statistically significant in terms of damaged people and blighted human lives.

Valentine · M

@greenmountaingal my friend, I refute such statistics, vehemently. But rather than debate this in open air, I will PM you. I value any and every possible friendship. This is a subject dear to my heart.

greenmountaingal · 70-79, F

@Valentine If you've read my Featured story, then you know I am a survivor. I am one who came out of abuse determined to be a positive influence on others, especially abuse victims. The truth is that MOST child abuse victims grow up to not abuse their children or anyone else. All I said was that statistics show that children who are abused are at greater risk than average for suffering conditions like depression or addiction and many other conditions and problems. In other words, abuse CAN damage children, but it speaks well of people that MOST children who are abused grow up to be compassionate people.

Valentine · M

@greenmountaingal thank you. I appreciate the additional divide between the impact on them and the likelihood of them going on to abuse others, statistically more prone to doing such merely because they have been victims themselves. The latter I find an incorrect, unhelpful and hurtful cross to suggest they bear. Thank you for additional time and thoughts on this. Much appreciated.

Justbychance · M

@AliceMortem It's a very, very emotive topic that's for sure. Without going too deeply into my personal 'issues' in childhood:

I got to the age where I had to decide who I wanted to be; [i]who 'I' wanted to be, not who I was.[/i] I had a 'Road to Damascus' moment aged 14, and on that one, single day I planned my entire life ahead; every single thing I could think of that I would do differently to avoid being what I seemed destined to be. I considered myself to be a 'Post-Victim' rather then a past victim from that very moment. It's a very personal road for anyone to take; I consider myself fortunate enough to have such an ability to think like a man at such an early age.

Justbychance · M

@greenmountaingal There is so much to relate with here. Thanks for seeing into my mind

Valentine · M

@Justbychance It seems (whatever it was) to have by resolve made you stronger. Thank you for sharing.

Justbychance · M

@Valentine Yes; very much so. Running in tandem with your thoughts and feelings, I can stand up and I am able to think back to then. I still 'see' the hurts, the 'issues' and what I could neither help nor stop from happening. The importance of what I went through, the way my life changed (from within) at such a early age shines well and truly over the abuse. I can relate (as you and alongside you) whilst I can be ever grateful in being able to break free. And that's what is here within your message; Hope, and more Hope. Thank you :)