I Am An Orphan

i feel like i need to say this story as theres a few people on here that focosing on one bad thing and ignore the good in their lifes. i lost my mother when i was about 8 years old. it was a bad hit for me as i was dependent on her. both me and dad took a heavy hit and both us went into a depression. but dad went out his way to drag me out of it. he took me to alot of places to show me there is alot of places out there for me to see and live to enjoy. it helped me lots and i took my karate and cycling more seriously. it helped me and i begun ro be alot happier. how ever in 2017 i lost my dad to cancer. he had a tumor in head that went unnoticed for a while and when it was discoverd it was already terminal. he died about 3 months later. when i found out it destroyed me. i went into a much deeper depresion. i lost the last of my family and i regret every single day i couldnt say goodbye to either of them properly. i found out in school and rushed to the hospital that was in the next town over. getting there and seeing the bed his was staying in the day before empty was too much and i remember just screaming after leaving the building. the only family i had left didnt want me and made me study aboard in the uk with my cousin. after reaching england i was in a very bad place and committing suicide had crossed my mind multible times. but i remembered what my dad told me. i threw my self into cycling and karate and practiced musical instruments. when i return home i have a list of places i want to visit and im trying to look to the future about what i want to do. i still miss them and it hurts knowing they wont come back no matter what i do but i am not letting their deaths hold me back. my friends back home are there for me and when i return they dont hesitate to invite me in and make sure im cared for. they take care of my home now it in my name and keep it clean. i know they are gone but im still here i will live the best i can for them and see things they couldnt for them.