I never was close to my mom's side of the family

My mom was sent over to this country by her father who was obsessed with being in america.. i think my mom was perfectly happy in her country .. not that her dad cared what she wanted just what he wanted.. and sent her over here.. when her course was over she went back to her home country but she didn't tell her family (her father was pressuring her to stay in the states) but they just happened to be at the airport with her aunt when she arrived so they took her home.. then my dad went over there and they got married.. but they were so broke over there that my dad borrowed money to come back to the states .. so they did.. my dad's family was from the NW and because he had to work so much out of town with his job my mom was super lonely as nobody visited her.. they had four kids by then and my mom left with us and went to her parents house who by then were living in the states.. they put her in a mental ward and they put us in school and they told my older brother to stay away from our dad (i was 4 or 5 and he was 6 or so) .. anyway i heard my dad tried to talk to him at a bus stop and he ran away...

Anyway my mom ended up living with us kids at one of those government housing places.. there were a lot of other kids there. I remember playing "red light, green light" with them.. and selling cookies..

My dad got back with my mom and for awhile we lived at a farmhouse just over the border of iowa.. i remember my mom walking us down the street to say the pledge of allegiance to the neighbor's flag..

Then my family moved to florida.. my dad at the time was very keen on a group of creationist because when he was in highschool he was confused by the conflict of stories in the bible vs the teaching of evolution in public schools and he somehow found a book or something explaining creation and how the story of evolution was nothing but a fabricated fictional story.. how they faked "evidence" and made up numbers "like millions and billions of years" and skeletons like Lucy to fit with their story instead of being honest..

There's a long long list of reasons and facts that prove what is true and what isn't.. if a person really wants to know, they can find it..

So my family ended up being homeless in the city because it was too expensive to live there.. some charity org helped us get a place to stay so we weren't on the street and eventually my dad got into a type of work he was good at and then we moved..

We moved to a small town in the middle of nowhere.. and we didn't even live in town.. just off in the woods somewhere.. we liked exploring the woods and were fine with this move but then my mom took off for her country and was gone for a year.. i think she would have been happy to spend the rest of her life there but my aunt wrote her and told her she has a family and responsibilities and to come home..

So she did.. my mom and dad used to argue like hell.. she was always jealous of my dad liking some blond woman or another.. personally i don't think my dad had any interest in them.. but my mom was nuts and would have angry fits of rage at home over nonsense.. personally i think she was the one who liked blonds, not him.. 🙄

Anyway when i was a teenagers i got sick of it all and ran away..

I ran away a lot.. eventually i got married but i ran away from him too.. i wasn't unlike my mom in that i had jealous fits of rage at my husband too.. i was angry because i felt he didn't love me and wasted my time by marrying me.. anyway i was crazy for many years.. only in the last few years did i stop trying to run off on him..

I think i calmed down somewhat.. he makes me insanely angry sometimes but i don't say anything .. not about jealousy stuff anymore but being a consenting inconsiderate asshole..

You get married expecting to be treated like a princess and instead they treat you like a kitchen maid "wheres my dinner why didn't you wash dishes, go do the laundry" and bla bla bla .. like to hell with you..

If it wasn't for this cute cute dog i have and can never leave.. i'd be like 😤

But anyway..

I rant a lot on sw.. i dont really talk to people irl or "friends" why would i tell them anything .. more apt to rant into a void like this place..

My dad is super religious but im not keen on religion.. i dont think God cares in you think you believe in him or not.. i think he's more concerned with purity of soul and if you are genuinely kind to your neighbor..

I dont care for religious buttheads with like to flatter themselves with their own knowledge of what they think they know about God.. i dont think you know God if you follow vanity and try to set yourself on a pedestal and all that rot..

Not that i care for the godless either.. im not for devil worshipers or witches .. i don't think that's funny.. i think there are serious stuff out there and it's not something i involve myself in or joke about.

I have enough trouble as is..

I realize my attitude is not unlike my father's at times in regards to arrogance and religious discrimination and acknowledging bigotry.. it's not something i like or approve of .. the arrogance and they like.. I've just noticed it in me over time

There are things ive said on here that were wrong and ignorant or just in bad taste and in retrospect i'd take it back and or apologize.. not that anyone wants to hear from me but i am sorry.. and i'd erase a lot of the posts comments i made in the past which were off and such but there are so many.. idk if i could find them all 🤐😳

I don't completely dislike my husband but i do disagree with him on stuff.. like how people blindly fan Trump.. i think it's wrong.. i think he's a closeted KKK member (not my husband but Trump) there is just something very wrong with him and i cant even argue with people who want to be so deep in denial of what they are.. anyway 🤐 horrid people.. i gtg