Dear mother,
I know you want me to have the best of the best of everything. That’s the ideal. And as a mother, I get that you want that for your son. But look, it’s called an “ideal” for a reason. Because it isn’t reality.
I know you want me to live in the best part of town regardless of how expensive rent is. I know you want me to have the most reliable insurance plan, despite its higher price tag. I know you want me to have only “safe” jobs even though they pay less. But look. I’m not as rich as you. I don’t mean that in a derogatory manner at all. But you’re 30 years older than I am. You’ve had time to save up and can afford to work just part time now. And I respect that. But I haven’t. God willing, I’ll be in the same boat as you 30 years from now.
But I’m not there yet. My rent just went up by 25%, as you know. Not to mention how expensive EVERYTHING is in this country now, even basics like food with this crazy inflation. And during those times, people have to make sacrifices. And I am a penny pincher. I know you aren’t, and that’s okay. I’m just a different generation than you. You’re a boomer, and you’re blessed enough to have grown up during a time when the economy was very good. I’m not. So guess what? When I am able to save money on something, even if that means that something is slightly lesser in quality, that’s GOOD news to me. To you it’s bad.
You know that I don’t share much of my personal life with you. And that isn’t because I don’t love you. Here’s the thing. On the rare occasion that I do open up and share one of my personal decisions with you, I don’t need your unsolicited advice. If I need advice, which again is rare, I’ll ask for it.
Me: “I just saved a bunch of money by getting X instead of Y.” This is good news to me, and the last thing I want/need is for you to tell me how foolish an idea this was. One way we actually are a lot alike, as you know, is that we both weigh out the pros and cons of a big decision before making it. I appreciate that you’ve taught me this and raised me this way. So don’t just go thinking that because I made a different decision than you would that it’s just a foolish and whimsical decision. I weighed the pros and cons. It’s just that our values are slightly different. Spending half as much money on an only SLIGHTLY lower quality service or product is a good decision to me. It’s not worth paying twice as much for a service or product that’s only 1.5 times better. You’re still wasting 25%. You’re a math whiz. You should get this.
But when I share good news with you, and the first thing you do is criticize it, don’t be surprised and upset that I never share my personal life with you. I don’t share it because I know the first response I’m going to get is criticism instead of “cool, I’m glad you’re able to save that money!”
You get upset that I want to move because of the increasing rent, so I listen to you and stay where I am…but the cost is that I have to cut back in other areas. And then you get upset about that. I can’t afford the best of everything. If I want the best place to live, then I have to cut back on insurance, food, clothing, etc. And on the flip side, if I want the best clothes, I have to cut back on rent, etc. I can’t have the best of everything. And that’s okay with me. That’s how economics work.
Just be happy that I finally shared a personal decision with you for once. And know that the next time I do that will probably be years from now, considering your response.
I know you want me to live in the best part of town regardless of how expensive rent is. I know you want me to have the most reliable insurance plan, despite its higher price tag. I know you want me to have only “safe” jobs even though they pay less. But look. I’m not as rich as you. I don’t mean that in a derogatory manner at all. But you’re 30 years older than I am. You’ve had time to save up and can afford to work just part time now. And I respect that. But I haven’t. God willing, I’ll be in the same boat as you 30 years from now.
But I’m not there yet. My rent just went up by 25%, as you know. Not to mention how expensive EVERYTHING is in this country now, even basics like food with this crazy inflation. And during those times, people have to make sacrifices. And I am a penny pincher. I know you aren’t, and that’s okay. I’m just a different generation than you. You’re a boomer, and you’re blessed enough to have grown up during a time when the economy was very good. I’m not. So guess what? When I am able to save money on something, even if that means that something is slightly lesser in quality, that’s GOOD news to me. To you it’s bad.
You know that I don’t share much of my personal life with you. And that isn’t because I don’t love you. Here’s the thing. On the rare occasion that I do open up and share one of my personal decisions with you, I don’t need your unsolicited advice. If I need advice, which again is rare, I’ll ask for it.
Me: “I just saved a bunch of money by getting X instead of Y.” This is good news to me, and the last thing I want/need is for you to tell me how foolish an idea this was. One way we actually are a lot alike, as you know, is that we both weigh out the pros and cons of a big decision before making it. I appreciate that you’ve taught me this and raised me this way. So don’t just go thinking that because I made a different decision than you would that it’s just a foolish and whimsical decision. I weighed the pros and cons. It’s just that our values are slightly different. Spending half as much money on an only SLIGHTLY lower quality service or product is a good decision to me. It’s not worth paying twice as much for a service or product that’s only 1.5 times better. You’re still wasting 25%. You’re a math whiz. You should get this.
But when I share good news with you, and the first thing you do is criticize it, don’t be surprised and upset that I never share my personal life with you. I don’t share it because I know the first response I’m going to get is criticism instead of “cool, I’m glad you’re able to save that money!”
You get upset that I want to move because of the increasing rent, so I listen to you and stay where I am…but the cost is that I have to cut back in other areas. And then you get upset about that. I can’t afford the best of everything. If I want the best place to live, then I have to cut back on insurance, food, clothing, etc. And on the flip side, if I want the best clothes, I have to cut back on rent, etc. I can’t have the best of everything. And that’s okay with me. That’s how economics work.
Just be happy that I finally shared a personal decision with you for once. And know that the next time I do that will probably be years from now, considering your response.
36-40, M
