All aspects in my life are challenging, all of them except one.

And still I am content as long as my loved ones are safe.

It is all I need.

I always thought I will pew pew myself when my mother is gone. I don't want to talk about why.

It is complicated.

Yesterday's person did upset me but it is not really all that stress. It is me. I always had this tendency to destroy myself and point my insanity inwards.

But I know I will be fine. I have a strong heart though it was and always will be different and abnormal. It is stronger than many have anticipated.

And I have a kick ass brain even if it is sometimes too extreme.

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SnickersDOM · M

I always had this tendency to destroy myself and point my insanity inwards

I understand you don't want to talk about the why and I won't press but I hope you will talk to someone at some point, about anything that can help you move forward without wanting to destroy yourself in any sense 🤗

particularly now that you're going to the gym too, do you have time for any therapy, are you still pursuing that?

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SnickersDOM · M

@Miram why did you decide to stop seeing the therapist, is it time constraints? Their skill level isn't helping?

I'm at least glad the duration of it has lessened from your youth, that is progress 🤗

oh you're so mean to your brother, I hope he deserves it at least!

Surely Brahmins have some helpful insight into spreading ... um ... festive joy

Miram · 31-35, F

@SnickersDOM

I became friends with her 😆 She is now practically a part of my family. Shows up in family events as a friend and everything. And also might have reached most of the practical therapy goals.

It is important to distinguish between things you can change, and things you can only learn to manage and navigate. Even self destruction can be an emotion like any other. Just because I am that way doesn't necessarily mean I need therapy for that specifically..i do need therapy though but not for that necessarily.

Also when I thought it is better to end the professional status, it turned out I can still count on her every now and then without the friendship getting in the way and her being too biased towards me. Can still have her in my life just not consistently.

I will find someone else.

SnickersDOM · M

@Miram do you feel at all like she violated any professional code if she allowed the relationship to even begin blurring from therapeutic to more casual? I'm glad you have a friend, just if you would've benefitted more from therapy (addressing any aspects) right now it's too bad there may be a conflict of interest now, especially if it's difficult to kind qualified therapists there 🤗

And also might have reached most of the practical therapy goals

I hope so and I kind of understand as sometimes I do have my own dark thoughts, but when you express wanting to pew pew (even if you don't think you'd ever really do it), I can't help it, it worries me ... and you did seem very miserable last night, and if that was from you turning yourself against yourself rather than a toxic friend being toxic, I just hope eventually you can find ways to manage that more only so that you don't feel so miserable again 🤗

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