I Miss My Mother

Coming Up On Year Number 1... I don't know what to think. Wednesday May 2, 2012, makes a year.
I miss her.
I hate that I miss her. Feel stupid for missing her to be honest.
It's not even just her death, it's everything that goes with it.
Me needing to not cry, stop feeling sorry for myself, cause it has in fact been a year, shouldn't I be getting past this?
I mean I deal with everything fairly well, but I knew the year mark would come, I need to get my head out of my ass lol
I miss her, big deal.
I lost more than just her, I lost a bunch of jerks for family.
I realized most people are in fact not true friends since most disappeared. People that temporarily came into my life around her death, are gone now.
I basically lost my dad, since he hasn't spoken to me since my birthday which was only like a few weeks after she died.
I am realizing I need to stop avoiding her house, get the shit out, sell the damn thing and be done with it all.
I'll never move on with my life if I don't.
Plus it's getting harder knowing I'll never see her again, stupid, but it was it is. I miss her laugh. Watching movies with her. Hate knowing that everytime I go in that house, she's not going to be there. It sucks to know that once I go to school and more than likely become an Registered Nurse, I'll never be able to tell her. If I ever start dating, or fall in love, I can't tell her. I'll never be able to hug her again. It just sucks....

I love her, I miss her. Feeling silly repeating myself, but felt the need to get this out.

rdo0409

Miss,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I lost my mom nearly a year ago as well and I have to share my moment of "discovery" that happened about a month ago. I woke to a crisp cool morning and felt unusually well rested and relieved until, without explanation, I had the horrible reality that I would never feel the arms of my mom hugging me perfectly and with total love. I then was struck that I could not clearly recognize or remember my mother's voice. I was, and am still, distraught over not fully realizing these realities until that day.

Like you, I thought I had dealt mom's death well and handled the estate issues, also filled with an ungrateful and horrible sister, and feel somewhat silly as well in failing to recognize some of these things so late, so clearly. I hope you find some peace and know that, in spirit, your mom will realize all your accomplishments and important moments in your life. I thank you for your post.