I love my family, but I don’t really *trust* them…
I’m not sure if the title is that accurate, so I’ll try to explain. My parents, grandmother, stepdad…they’re all very loving and would never intentionally hurt me. But when I say I don’t trust them, I mean opening up with them. If I tell one of my biological parents some innocent thing about my daily life, it circulates around and gets more dramatic than I prefer. Let me give an example. I told my dad the other day about a weekend trip I recently made. It was fine…but then a week later my mom was like “oh your dad told me you went to such and such town. Why didn’t you tell me?” Well frankly, I never would have told my dad if he hadn’t asked me. I didn’t tell my mom because she never asked.
For context, my parents are divorced and live a thousand miles away. My mom is remarried; my dad is single. So why do they even talk to each other about me? I’m 36; it’s not like they’re “coparenting” or fighting custody battles.
My maternal grandmother is my favorite family member. She’s your stereotypical, sweet southern grandma. There’s nothing to dislike about her…but I will admit, I still sometimes avoid talking about myself around her because she’s going to tell my mom and blah blah.
So outside of the whole gossipy nature of my family, spending time with them is awkward. My mom invites me over for dinner a lot. Which is very kind of course. But then after dinner, she wants to have some long conversation about really personal stuff that I don’t want to talk about. Sometimes I’ll get lucky and she’ll talk more about herself than the reverse. I’d much rather listen to her talk about herself than pry information out of me. Then sometimes the whole family will be over—stepsisters, nieces, nephews, and all. This somewhat soothes the prying…but what makes that awkward is that people stick around for ages. I usually don’t have an excuse to go home, especially if it’s a weekend. So I just stick around, waiting for one of the stepsisters to leave and hope I can sneak out behind them. That sometimes works…but not always.
“Are you trying to leave without giving me a hug?” I often hear.
Spending time with them is just weird and awkward. We have very little in common. They aren’t fun people. They’re very loving…but also very boring. Well, except my oldest stepsister. She’s fun. But everyone else wants to just sit around and talk about their week, and I just don’t care. My week is nobody’s business but my own.
I just really value my privacy. I’m a bit more open with my friends. There’s not that authority dynamic, and if I tell my best friend that I’m going to Michigan, he’ll be like “cool, have fun!” My mom will be like “wait, why didn’t you tell me earlier? Be careful! You might get murdered! There’s some nasty people out there.” And then every time we interact between now and then, she’ll be like “have you changed your mind about going to Michigan?”
The funny thing is that my mom and stepdad just told me that they’re going on a trip next week. I guess it’s nice that they told me…but I never asked either. It’s just weird to me how they always like to know where each other is. I just go where I want when I want and expect others to do the same. Is that unloving? If you love someone, do you have to know where they are all the time?
Honestly if I’m going to spend time with family, I’d rather them come see me than the other way around. That way I don’t feel the need to sneak out when I’m ready to go home.
Anyway, I just saw a message that I need to include the age and sex of everyone involved. I’m 36M. Mother is 68F. Father is 72M. Stepfather is 78M. Stepsister is 46F. Grandmother is 87F.
For context, my parents are divorced and live a thousand miles away. My mom is remarried; my dad is single. So why do they even talk to each other about me? I’m 36; it’s not like they’re “coparenting” or fighting custody battles.
My maternal grandmother is my favorite family member. She’s your stereotypical, sweet southern grandma. There’s nothing to dislike about her…but I will admit, I still sometimes avoid talking about myself around her because she’s going to tell my mom and blah blah.
So outside of the whole gossipy nature of my family, spending time with them is awkward. My mom invites me over for dinner a lot. Which is very kind of course. But then after dinner, she wants to have some long conversation about really personal stuff that I don’t want to talk about. Sometimes I’ll get lucky and she’ll talk more about herself than the reverse. I’d much rather listen to her talk about herself than pry information out of me. Then sometimes the whole family will be over—stepsisters, nieces, nephews, and all. This somewhat soothes the prying…but what makes that awkward is that people stick around for ages. I usually don’t have an excuse to go home, especially if it’s a weekend. So I just stick around, waiting for one of the stepsisters to leave and hope I can sneak out behind them. That sometimes works…but not always.
“Are you trying to leave without giving me a hug?” I often hear.
Spending time with them is just weird and awkward. We have very little in common. They aren’t fun people. They’re very loving…but also very boring. Well, except my oldest stepsister. She’s fun. But everyone else wants to just sit around and talk about their week, and I just don’t care. My week is nobody’s business but my own.
I just really value my privacy. I’m a bit more open with my friends. There’s not that authority dynamic, and if I tell my best friend that I’m going to Michigan, he’ll be like “cool, have fun!” My mom will be like “wait, why didn’t you tell me earlier? Be careful! You might get murdered! There’s some nasty people out there.” And then every time we interact between now and then, she’ll be like “have you changed your mind about going to Michigan?”
The funny thing is that my mom and stepdad just told me that they’re going on a trip next week. I guess it’s nice that they told me…but I never asked either. It’s just weird to me how they always like to know where each other is. I just go where I want when I want and expect others to do the same. Is that unloving? If you love someone, do you have to know where they are all the time?
Honestly if I’m going to spend time with family, I’d rather them come see me than the other way around. That way I don’t feel the need to sneak out when I’m ready to go home.
Anyway, I just saw a message that I need to include the age and sex of everyone involved. I’m 36M. Mother is 68F. Father is 72M. Stepfather is 78M. Stepsister is 46F. Grandmother is 87F.
36-40, M
