I love my kids more than I could ever imagine.

I've been spending a lot of time with them and thinking about them constantly lately. I am going through a serious trial in my life when it comes to my health. I recently was admitted to the hospital because I hadn't been able to go to the bathroom for over a week. The ER doctor told me that I had a blockage in my colon and that he wasn't sure what it was, but he wanted to admit me and start me on antibiotics and I would see the surgeon in the morning. The surgeon when I was admitted seemed to feel that the antibiotics would clear everything up, and I would only need to be in the hospital a few days. I was discharged on September 4th. I was sent home with another weeks worth of antibiotics and they set me up to see a gastrointestinal surgeon on the 15th. I saw him that day, and he went over both CT scans that I had in the hospital and that day. The blockage was still there, and he showed me the obstruction on his laptop. He wasn't certain, but there was a chance he said, that this mass could be cancerous. I fucking lost it. He calmed me down, and told me that he was going to set up a colonosopy to get a biopsy of it, and determine one way or another. He then told me that even if it wasn't, it would probably be a good idea to have a small section of my colon removed to prevent getting another blockage that could require emergency surgery, rather than to have it electivly (sp). This is due to me having a mechanical mitral valve in my heart, and by having to have emergency surgery, I wouldn't have enough preparation to ween off my blood thinner temporarily, and I could bleed out and die.
I don't want to have my kids live the rest of their lives without a father, that's the bottom line. They're young, 19 and almost 14. I want to be able to watch them grow and succeed in life, not to slip away and have them forget me as the years go by for them.