My mother lent a woman some money about ten years ago. Not only she never returned it but at some point managed to turn other relatives against mum.

@Rokan everybody says that to take a higher moral stance.

Your grandmother is wrong.

Expecting decency helps society preserves its best traits.

People need to négociate expectations and needs. Otherwise they teach others to do it again.

@Miram its not about a higher or moral stance it was to teach me that just because someone is family it doesnt mean they can be trusted. If i was to loan a family memeber money i would probably lose more money trying to get it back and or the relationship in general. He spoke from the wisdom of what he saw and departed it with me as well that i cant just be "trusting" of others. If i really needed the money back then i would have to have a contract written and signed as proof.

So basically he is saying that when you give money to family its probably going to ruin your relationship with them and its better to just not do it.

@Rokan Placing unnecessary blame on people who actually have standards yet willing to help is counterproductive.

Regardless of why.

It is very common belief that gets repeated to me even on SW.

I still think one should expect decency and even demand it.

@Miram i didnt think i was placing blame it just reminded me of what my grandpa told me but i do apologize. I don't know that i can expect decency from people. I don't even know how i can be in this world with so many people who celebrate murder. I am truly disgusted by what ive seen in so many people. Im slowly losing my ability to cope with this feeling.

@Rokan I am not saying you're placing blame. I am saying the belief itself does. And it has been normalized beyond questioning.

People don't fix a non-problem. They fix a problem. The faith, the trust, the fairness is not the problem. That belief switches responsibility on the good side and forces them to adopt a cynical approach to life , which in turns encourages those who take advantage of charity to keep on doing it.

I used to think that the problem was having faith in people undeserving of it. But in the past couple of years, I realized having faith is something we do for ourselves, same for having standards irrespective of how prevalent abuse is. We have them because WE are still worthy of living in a world which reflects them. And it is hard work, but WE are worth it.

@Miram i believe YOU are worthy of it, but ill never believe that about myself.

@Rokan I believe it about you. I love you gad darn it!! I really do. You're a beautiful fire. You give warmth who seek it. And you deserve warmth as well.

@Miram I appreciate it and and i adore you just the same but there is an ocean of blood in my past and i wont ever forgive that.