I Am a Mother
You know when you get one of those days when you just don’t want any responsibility put on you and you get it anyway. Today for me was one of those days.
I am alone at home. I am the housewife. I organise everything but today I just wanted to hide and recoup. I didn’t feel very well to start with. I felt not ill but definitely ill at ease. I got up this morning around 2.30am. My shoulder ached something terrible – from an old car injury I had nearly 20 years ago. Never plagued me until now. Came downstairs and made a hot water bottle. This seemed to relieve the muscle tension a bit. Went back to sleep. Got up again by 5 am. Work day begins. Told hubby I would not get up cause of the 2.30 run. But I did anyway. Saw him off. Back to bed after taking a couple of pills. Got up by 7.30 am. Saw children off to wherever they go. Started the housework. Sod it. I left half the jobs and tried to relax instead.
Mood did not change. Half hour later hubby comes home for his break. Saw to his lunch, tea then he went for his afternoon nap before going back to work. I looked around the place. House needs fixing desperately. He says he will paint and decorate it. I quietly sit there thinking, financing, structural and cost of deliveries, not to mention the skip hire to take away the rubbish. He makes all these plans with good intentions but the crux of the matter is – no money!
But I don’t say a word that will cause a row. I just sit there keeping it all in, quietly contemplating who I will not pay next week to get hold of the extra money for these repairs. In the afternoon. I await the tally man. I have come to know him quite well and he is friendly enough. But today just to add to my frustration he has brought round a trainee. So I am embarrassed as I have to deal with someone new in my unkempt home cause it’s supposed to be my day off and I don’t feel well.
Got a letter from the hospital. I know I’m ill really don’t need another check-up to find if its spread. Got a letter from some debt collector reckons they are going to take me to court for a debt that has already been sorted. How the hell do they get this information? Worst why am I being hounded? I go to solicitors and they say “we carn’t help you. You have got a good case but it will cost you twice as much for us to act for you than it would be for you to pay the bill you don’t owe!” I am furious because it feels like my family is being bullied just because some agent think we are good for it.
Cannot speak to anyone about it cause if I speak to my relatives I am moaning. If I try to speak to my hubby I nag. If I try to explain to my son why I carn’t afford the new bedroom furniture he wants I am being mean. I cannot win. And if I go back to work. I will not have it long as I will have to take time off because I am terminally ill. But I am not disabled!
So I will sit here and worry and fret about the paperwork and the household accounts. Whilst getting the dinner ready for the family when they return. Doing the washing up, the laundry and the general cleaning. And If I have time I might make a cuppa and watch a programme I recorded. Skip that. I will type this out for my blog whilst listening to the damn programme. And waiting for the delivery man to knock on the door for my online grocery order I made this morning.
So much for Mum’s that stay at home and do nothing!
I am alone at home. I am the housewife. I organise everything but today I just wanted to hide and recoup. I didn’t feel very well to start with. I felt not ill but definitely ill at ease. I got up this morning around 2.30am. My shoulder ached something terrible – from an old car injury I had nearly 20 years ago. Never plagued me until now. Came downstairs and made a hot water bottle. This seemed to relieve the muscle tension a bit. Went back to sleep. Got up again by 5 am. Work day begins. Told hubby I would not get up cause of the 2.30 run. But I did anyway. Saw him off. Back to bed after taking a couple of pills. Got up by 7.30 am. Saw children off to wherever they go. Started the housework. Sod it. I left half the jobs and tried to relax instead.
Mood did not change. Half hour later hubby comes home for his break. Saw to his lunch, tea then he went for his afternoon nap before going back to work. I looked around the place. House needs fixing desperately. He says he will paint and decorate it. I quietly sit there thinking, financing, structural and cost of deliveries, not to mention the skip hire to take away the rubbish. He makes all these plans with good intentions but the crux of the matter is – no money!
But I don’t say a word that will cause a row. I just sit there keeping it all in, quietly contemplating who I will not pay next week to get hold of the extra money for these repairs. In the afternoon. I await the tally man. I have come to know him quite well and he is friendly enough. But today just to add to my frustration he has brought round a trainee. So I am embarrassed as I have to deal with someone new in my unkempt home cause it’s supposed to be my day off and I don’t feel well.
Got a letter from the hospital. I know I’m ill really don’t need another check-up to find if its spread. Got a letter from some debt collector reckons they are going to take me to court for a debt that has already been sorted. How the hell do they get this information? Worst why am I being hounded? I go to solicitors and they say “we carn’t help you. You have got a good case but it will cost you twice as much for us to act for you than it would be for you to pay the bill you don’t owe!” I am furious because it feels like my family is being bullied just because some agent think we are good for it.
Cannot speak to anyone about it cause if I speak to my relatives I am moaning. If I try to speak to my hubby I nag. If I try to explain to my son why I carn’t afford the new bedroom furniture he wants I am being mean. I cannot win. And if I go back to work. I will not have it long as I will have to take time off because I am terminally ill. But I am not disabled!
So I will sit here and worry and fret about the paperwork and the household accounts. Whilst getting the dinner ready for the family when they return. Doing the washing up, the laundry and the general cleaning. And If I have time I might make a cuppa and watch a programme I recorded. Skip that. I will type this out for my blog whilst listening to the damn programme. And waiting for the delivery man to knock on the door for my online grocery order I made this morning.
So much for Mum’s that stay at home and do nothing!
