I Want to Be In a Healthy Loving Relationship

I don't feel like a gf, I feel like someone's mother. I feel like I make all the effort and still there is more need. I feel like I forgive all the time, when there is no forgiveness for me. My one refusal to take part has made things very clear, things were only calm because I played ball.

I feel drained, manipulated and tired. This isn't love at all.