Someone important to me passed away, and I can’t attend the funeral because I don’t want to risk spreading germs among the elderly
especially since many important people will be there, and their jobs are significantly necessary.
He was a good man, despite holding a powerful position at the heart of an active conflict. Many of his choices continue to inspire mine, even though we had one fundamental difference that could of ended the friendship my grandfather nurtured.
For me, it was about my sense of justice, for him, it was about making compromises for the sake of collective peace. Compromises I had to pay for even with my sanity many times, whether I agreed or not.
He apologized sincerely, and I never said that I had forgiven him for the choices he made. Because I didn't at the time. His choices that conflicted with my need for fairness and my goals I understood them, but understanding doesn’t make it easy or simpler.
I looked away, and we returned to being friends. We rarely spoke of it again when we did meet. He was always more gentle towards me, more considerate and more protective compared to how he felt about other people. I know that my sacrifice wasn't unnoticed. And I know he felt a great amount of guilt but there was no way of moving forward without collateral damage. And he, like my grandfather, didn't want me to spend my life in aggression. It is difficult to acknowledge that.
He gained nothing on a personal level. No wealth, no further involvement in power dynamics, he stepped out after those decisions..He lived humbly among everyone which is why at that time, he had no enemies on either sides. He was one of the people. He was a pacifist.
I will miss him. I miss him already.
I will pay my respects to his family when my flu has passed.
He was a good man, despite holding a powerful position at the heart of an active conflict. Many of his choices continue to inspire mine, even though we had one fundamental difference that could of ended the friendship my grandfather nurtured.
For me, it was about my sense of justice, for him, it was about making compromises for the sake of collective peace. Compromises I had to pay for even with my sanity many times, whether I agreed or not.
He apologized sincerely, and I never said that I had forgiven him for the choices he made. Because I didn't at the time. His choices that conflicted with my need for fairness and my goals I understood them, but understanding doesn’t make it easy or simpler.
I looked away, and we returned to being friends. We rarely spoke of it again when we did meet. He was always more gentle towards me, more considerate and more protective compared to how he felt about other people. I know that my sacrifice wasn't unnoticed. And I know he felt a great amount of guilt but there was no way of moving forward without collateral damage. And he, like my grandfather, didn't want me to spend my life in aggression. It is difficult to acknowledge that.
He gained nothing on a personal level. No wealth, no further involvement in power dynamics, he stepped out after those decisions..He lived humbly among everyone which is why at that time, he had no enemies on either sides. He was one of the people. He was a pacifist.
I will miss him. I miss him already.
I will pay my respects to his family when my flu has passed.
