I would have been less heartbroken if he had just cheated on me with another woman

He obviously cares about you. Yet addictions are not about who you care about.

Think of it more like a disease. Say a blood disorder. Which is similar. Blood goes into the brain either way with alcohol or the disease.

Believe me I had to make such considerations with mom, all time. Even when I was taking care of her before she passed away.

I’m so sorry.

I think there are times when the hurt runs so deep, a person returns to their most familiar coping mechanisms. Even when destructive, they still provide a form of comfort, a way to protect themselves and escape the reality of what’s happening.

You want to be chosen and put first before his addiction. I actually can relate a bit.

I am sorry, sweet one. He is still to overcome his demons.

Addiction is a fkin mess. It is another maladaptive coping mechanism and also a form of self harm. I've been that guy. I needed to feel something else, to be taken away, and when the results don't go your way it's another reason to hate yourself and descend into darkness. It's perfect for when you can't handle what you're feeling. Yes, it's a betrayal of everyone around you too.

We are all broken just different places..having done the booze thing it can get overwhelming at times

[media=https://youtu.be/29d2usJHomM]

Did he recently relapse?