Am I obligated ?
My parents separated when I was 12, father was useless, never provided a single $ alimony, he was a monster. He was physically abusive towards my mother, had several extra marital affairs and is broke as hell. My mom married a loser.
Mother is imperfect but real, isn't smart enough for her own good, is anytime better than my father but turned alcoholic when I was 17 and the drinking continued till I turned 31. She was severely depressed and lonely. Despite her loneliness she didn't remarry because no money and she realised marriage is too much for her, not her cup of tea. She doesn't want to be a mother. I get a lott of hate for her alcoholism from people around me who knew about it because they think I should have done something to help her. I had no money to help her !!! No money for her therapy or rehab. She resisted treatment even when it was offered for free.
I had to start working early so I could support my family. It's been 16 years I have been working non stop. My Manager also pointed out to me that I am the only one on the floor who hasn't taken a leave at all except when I fall sick. Say in 12 months, I have taken 3 sick leaves so far. I work like that for obvious reasons, I need the money !!
I am beyond exhausted. I am exhausted to the bone. It's not my body but my soul that is tired. The non stop next level fights in the house, my father beating my mother till she bled, my mother putting him behind bars, my mother's alcoholism because she felt overwhelmed and alone, serious financial problems, no help from anyone, etc. I have even considered suicide several times but don't want to punish my mother further. My father made her hell miserable, my death will put more financial burden on them since I take care of the financial needs at home.
I know I have the right to get married and start my own life but don't have the heart to leave my mother. She doesn't even care about me or appreciate how much I have done !! She also manipulates us big time. She says, "If you don't give money, don't expect me to care and there will be no food for you'll, I won't do anything". Each and everything in the house is paid for by me. It's a rented place, no money to buy a house. No help from my father at all !!! "Man of the house", my foot ! I don't need the ego boost, I need help..I am willing to take a bullet for my mother who won't even take me to the hospital when I am in pain (eventually through insurance at work I went thru a surgery for endometriosis and got it fixed).
I have always put my mother and siblings needs ahead of my own. Colleagues and strangers stereotype me. They think I am selfish hence not married. I am not obligated to provide clarification, it's my life. If I don't clarify, they continue to judge, bully and give me a hard time. If I provide clarification, I will be judged again. They say I want sympathy, attention and that I am disgusting for washing dirty linen in public.
I have empathy for my mother, if I didn't I would have left long back.
1) It's not my fault that my mother was stupid enough to marry a man like my father despite knowing how he was !!!
2) It's not my fault that they chose to have kids when they had no money for themselves !! They were freelancers, sometimes sat at home for three months without work, even when they got work, they would get paid within the next 2-4 months. They had to buy their work products WITH THEIR OWN MONEY !!! And they still go ahead and get married plus have kids. I want this kind of confidence in my life. Sarcasm intended.
3) It's not my fault that my father was a deadbeat, lazy and a predator who preyed on an over giving simple minded woman. The whole toxic user-pleaser dynamic between these two !!
4) It's not my fault, he never provided alimony whatsoever forcing me to take his place in the house. Fuck the Man of the House title, I don't need it !!
5) It's not my fault, my mother turned an alcoholic. That was because of my father. She felt burdened.
I feel obligated and guilty that is why I stay. Because mom could have also abandoned us and our responsibility the way my father did. WHY PUNISH THE PARENT WHO STAYED !!!? I have mad respect for my mother that is why I help and support her to the point where I am not getting married. At the same time my boss who has empathy for me and my coworkers turned friends tell me I am not obligated and that it was my parents choice to have us and hence THEIR responsibility to provide. Tomorrow if I chose wrong for myself and repeated the cycle, my future kids wouldn't be responsible for the mistakes I made !!
If you were me, would you stay or leave ??
Mother is imperfect but real, isn't smart enough for her own good, is anytime better than my father but turned alcoholic when I was 17 and the drinking continued till I turned 31. She was severely depressed and lonely. Despite her loneliness she didn't remarry because no money and she realised marriage is too much for her, not her cup of tea. She doesn't want to be a mother. I get a lott of hate for her alcoholism from people around me who knew about it because they think I should have done something to help her. I had no money to help her !!! No money for her therapy or rehab. She resisted treatment even when it was offered for free.
I had to start working early so I could support my family. It's been 16 years I have been working non stop. My Manager also pointed out to me that I am the only one on the floor who hasn't taken a leave at all except when I fall sick. Say in 12 months, I have taken 3 sick leaves so far. I work like that for obvious reasons, I need the money !!
I am beyond exhausted. I am exhausted to the bone. It's not my body but my soul that is tired. The non stop next level fights in the house, my father beating my mother till she bled, my mother putting him behind bars, my mother's alcoholism because she felt overwhelmed and alone, serious financial problems, no help from anyone, etc. I have even considered suicide several times but don't want to punish my mother further. My father made her hell miserable, my death will put more financial burden on them since I take care of the financial needs at home.
I know I have the right to get married and start my own life but don't have the heart to leave my mother. She doesn't even care about me or appreciate how much I have done !! She also manipulates us big time. She says, "If you don't give money, don't expect me to care and there will be no food for you'll, I won't do anything". Each and everything in the house is paid for by me. It's a rented place, no money to buy a house. No help from my father at all !!! "Man of the house", my foot ! I don't need the ego boost, I need help..I am willing to take a bullet for my mother who won't even take me to the hospital when I am in pain (eventually through insurance at work I went thru a surgery for endometriosis and got it fixed).
I have always put my mother and siblings needs ahead of my own. Colleagues and strangers stereotype me. They think I am selfish hence not married. I am not obligated to provide clarification, it's my life. If I don't clarify, they continue to judge, bully and give me a hard time. If I provide clarification, I will be judged again. They say I want sympathy, attention and that I am disgusting for washing dirty linen in public.
I have empathy for my mother, if I didn't I would have left long back.
1) It's not my fault that my mother was stupid enough to marry a man like my father despite knowing how he was !!!
2) It's not my fault that they chose to have kids when they had no money for themselves !! They were freelancers, sometimes sat at home for three months without work, even when they got work, they would get paid within the next 2-4 months. They had to buy their work products WITH THEIR OWN MONEY !!! And they still go ahead and get married plus have kids. I want this kind of confidence in my life. Sarcasm intended.
3) It's not my fault that my father was a deadbeat, lazy and a predator who preyed on an over giving simple minded woman. The whole toxic user-pleaser dynamic between these two !!
4) It's not my fault, he never provided alimony whatsoever forcing me to take his place in the house. Fuck the Man of the House title, I don't need it !!
5) It's not my fault, my mother turned an alcoholic. That was because of my father. She felt burdened.
I feel obligated and guilty that is why I stay. Because mom could have also abandoned us and our responsibility the way my father did. WHY PUNISH THE PARENT WHO STAYED !!!? I have mad respect for my mother that is why I help and support her to the point where I am not getting married. At the same time my boss who has empathy for me and my coworkers turned friends tell me I am not obligated and that it was my parents choice to have us and hence THEIR responsibility to provide. Tomorrow if I chose wrong for myself and repeated the cycle, my future kids wouldn't be responsible for the mistakes I made !!
If you were me, would you stay or leave ??
