Upset
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Moving out of the country at 30, away from helicopter parents and they want to know every detail

My father asked me to "show him the place I'll be staying at" and to "give him the address and contact number of the place I'll be working at" and now is asking me to "give him a copy of my work contract to read".

Idk. Seems like they just want to keep tabs.

Last week my mom berated me for renting a room in someone's house, the landlord lives there.

She also tried being derogatory towards the place I'm moving to, even though it's financially doing way better than our own.

Should I share my work contract with my father? He's just basically a spy for my mother. He gets information from me, gives it to my mother, and in turn my mother comes in and berates me. It's always the same.
I told him I won't be sharing any more information since he shared information about where I'll be staying with my mother which in turn had led into a huge fight between my mother and I. And he pretended to not be a part of whatever it is they're doing. He pretended to be clueless.
They just act sooooo suspicious and then expect me to share.

But I also depend on them financially for the moment. I already owe my mother over a thousand euros, that I'll return when I get paid when I move.

So I'm screwed. What would you do in such a situation?
ProfessorSwatz · 31-35, M
The best thing to do is Limit and keep the information you have on a need to know basis. It’s okay to let them know you’re doing okay, especially since you’re depending on them financially. Just the little things like your well being, if your eating, health, any little positive activities. But anything further than that, is ur business and should keep it that way. If your having fights and problems over all of what’s being spoken of then to minimize the issue keep certain things to yourself. It’s okay to still be a good child while keeping your personal life to yourself.
@ProfessorSwatz 👆👆👆
Jenny1234 · 51-55, F
I wouldn’t share anything with them except your phone number. They are acting very strange.

From a parent’s point of view, it is odd they are asking for all of this information when you are in your mid to late twenties.

My daughter just moved away to Europe a week ago to go to school. I have her phone number and we are connected through WhatsApp. I know the name and location of the university. I did not ask to see the school records or enrolment because she is 26 years old and I trust her completely.
Will they cut you off financially if you don’t share it? If so, suck it up until you’re financially independent. If not, don’t share it. Good practice setting boundaries, which it sounds like you’re gonna need to do anyway.
DownTheStreet · 56-60, M
I left my home country at 35. It’s a big change, and it changes you.
PinkMoon · 26-30, F
Bleep them and live good on the life insurance.
Read your own text:

Should I share my work contract with my father? He's just basically a spy for my mother. He gets information from me, gives it to my mother, and in turn my mother comes in and berates me.

NO, you should just ignore such requests.

Earn your €, repay your mother, and clap off the dust of their town from your shoes as you move on into a healthier future.

And good luck on your knob project.
CrazyMusicLover · 31-35
Definitely don't give them the contact number for your work. You wouldn't want them to call there and ask whomever who picks up about you. It sounds so insulting, like they don't trust your own wits to do what you need to do. Sorry for asking but you didn't do any huge mistake in past that had very bad consequences or did you?
assemblingaknob · 26-30, F
@CrazyMusicLover no. I've been okay. The most I rebelled was get into a teenage fling that they disapproved of.
CrazyMusicLover · 31-35
@assemblingaknob Then it's really absurd on their part. My parents are scaremongers too and always act like neither me nor my brother can do something without messing up. 🙄
Congratulations on your freedom and wish you good luck.
assemblingaknob · 26-30, F
@CrazyMusicLover thank you!!!
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