I Have Family Members That Get On My Nerves
I was always proud of my family. Particulary my mother. She raised me and told me that we were part of the larger multi-cultural, inter-racial community. I had pride in that. My mothers boyfriends after my father left home were on the lighter side but I never felt any racial tension. That came from outside the family.
But we as a group were solid, together and successful. I married a man I who was a little prejudicial at first (stemmed from his mother mainly who did not know better). But in the main we saw eye to eye on most things.
He is a marvellous father to our Son born of a Nigerian man. My sons words “the biological B***err that knock you up and F****ed Off! We have been dealing well as married couples do for 34 years.
So imagine my surprise when racism rose in the family. It start as inconsequencial at first. A brother from one of my mothers boyfriends other relationship called another brother the “N” word. He was immediately asked to leave home. He did and years later family feud relinquished met up with us (me in particular). Whilst at his flat a gentleman visited from an organisation he had joined. He says because of the cheap beer he could get. He saw me and said “what’s that N** doing in here!” My brother (because he grew up with us I called him that), had him up against the wall by his throat and said “that’s my sister your talking about.” Needless to say he was not a member of the organisation anymore.
But unfortunately it put us on their radar. Years later when my husband and I participated in a unity march we were pictured for their local pressure groups magazine. As they asked us what we would have been doing on that day instead of the march and we said “getting married.” As we are three different hues we were selected as the face of unity. The family and purpose of what we were striving to achieve.
It then became a thing for the opposition to bring us down at any cost. From “You can do better than the likes of her!” to “He doesn’t love you he’s using you as a slave.” Or worst “All you will get is trouble with her and her sort.” (that one came from my mother-in-law no less).
None of it worked. Married 34yrs now.
So it was with absolute sadness that the latest racial slant came from the pinnacle of the family line. My mother and her husband. Mum is in her 80’s now. She started at first to say things like. “Your dad did not want you because her hair was not straight.” I asked others who knew my biological father and they denied it. They said my mother would not let him see me after they spilt. Years later it was revealed that this was the truth by my uncle who said he came to their house to enquire after me and my Aunt and Uncle refused to give him our new address. So he did think of me after all.
Today, I am in my latter years and found that my mothers current husband has gone one step further. He often is seen with my younger brothers children and says proudly that they are his grandchildren. He told my son years ago when ‘out of the area,’ so it would not get back to my mother and when he took him to the zoo in the next town, that my son should not call him grandad but his name instead. My son was 8 at the time.
Today, my son has been depressed and suicidal. Brought on by what my family has done to him.
When I left him in another city he was bright, bubbly and confident in what direction he wanted his life to go in. When one of my brothers turned up in that city. He suddenly became remote unhappy and suicidal. He attempted to take his life but we managed to stop him. My family became secretive and kept on want to see him for some reason on his own. I thought mistakenly that they were looking out for him. But I was wrong. He went abroad to another brothers wedding. He disappeared for nearly a week before I could contact him again. He never said what happened but as soon as the ‘others,’ in the family heard he contacted me they wanted to speak to him alone.
I let it go. Wish now I hadn’t. He asked them for help today and they turned him down. Funny that because they are treating him like some poor relation and not even fit enough to grace their houses. He is the ONLY DARK GRANDCHILD in the family. And my step-dad (or rather the man currently married to my mother) treats him with no respect at all.
The Other day my step-dad introduced me and my youngest brothers to another person. He said “These are my sons …. And this is my wife’s daughter.” I chimed in “actually NONE OF US ARE HIS. HE MARRIED OUR MOTHER WHEN THE YOUNGEST WAS 9 years old.” And walked off.
Today, my son asked him for financial help as he was in difficulties. It took a lot for the man to come forward. Today he refused – not because he couldn’t afford to but because he did not want to.
He actually said he had to go the Doctors due to stress. My mother who is practically at the doctors every day now. Does it for the sympathy it will give her. Especially when she reveals her true colours and does something like they did to my son above.
I am just sitting here because she wanted me to regale her to our relative visiting from abroad. I refused and am very pleased I did. Because this is how they truly feel about us. My son and my husband have watched me put up with such abuse for years. Now its more racially motivated than before.
Why racial? Because my younger brother (light-skinned got married abroad), they paid for his wedding. Me (tanned complexion), they would not even give me away at the wedding. I had to ask a family friend to do it. My other brother said he wanted to go abroad to represent the family at a relative’s funeral. They paid his fare. But when I asked my mother for help to attend a life saving operation at another hospital 40 miles from home. She actually sat next to my husband and said “good let her die.” And refused to give him the petrol money to visit me in hospital.
Yet she insists that I should attend the house because a relative has come from abroad for a visit.
Tell me after all that would you go?
But we as a group were solid, together and successful. I married a man I who was a little prejudicial at first (stemmed from his mother mainly who did not know better). But in the main we saw eye to eye on most things.
He is a marvellous father to our Son born of a Nigerian man. My sons words “the biological B***err that knock you up and F****ed Off! We have been dealing well as married couples do for 34 years.
So imagine my surprise when racism rose in the family. It start as inconsequencial at first. A brother from one of my mothers boyfriends other relationship called another brother the “N” word. He was immediately asked to leave home. He did and years later family feud relinquished met up with us (me in particular). Whilst at his flat a gentleman visited from an organisation he had joined. He says because of the cheap beer he could get. He saw me and said “what’s that N** doing in here!” My brother (because he grew up with us I called him that), had him up against the wall by his throat and said “that’s my sister your talking about.” Needless to say he was not a member of the organisation anymore.
But unfortunately it put us on their radar. Years later when my husband and I participated in a unity march we were pictured for their local pressure groups magazine. As they asked us what we would have been doing on that day instead of the march and we said “getting married.” As we are three different hues we were selected as the face of unity. The family and purpose of what we were striving to achieve.
It then became a thing for the opposition to bring us down at any cost. From “You can do better than the likes of her!” to “He doesn’t love you he’s using you as a slave.” Or worst “All you will get is trouble with her and her sort.” (that one came from my mother-in-law no less).
None of it worked. Married 34yrs now.
So it was with absolute sadness that the latest racial slant came from the pinnacle of the family line. My mother and her husband. Mum is in her 80’s now. She started at first to say things like. “Your dad did not want you because her hair was not straight.” I asked others who knew my biological father and they denied it. They said my mother would not let him see me after they spilt. Years later it was revealed that this was the truth by my uncle who said he came to their house to enquire after me and my Aunt and Uncle refused to give him our new address. So he did think of me after all.
Today, I am in my latter years and found that my mothers current husband has gone one step further. He often is seen with my younger brothers children and says proudly that they are his grandchildren. He told my son years ago when ‘out of the area,’ so it would not get back to my mother and when he took him to the zoo in the next town, that my son should not call him grandad but his name instead. My son was 8 at the time.
Today, my son has been depressed and suicidal. Brought on by what my family has done to him.
When I left him in another city he was bright, bubbly and confident in what direction he wanted his life to go in. When one of my brothers turned up in that city. He suddenly became remote unhappy and suicidal. He attempted to take his life but we managed to stop him. My family became secretive and kept on want to see him for some reason on his own. I thought mistakenly that they were looking out for him. But I was wrong. He went abroad to another brothers wedding. He disappeared for nearly a week before I could contact him again. He never said what happened but as soon as the ‘others,’ in the family heard he contacted me they wanted to speak to him alone.
I let it go. Wish now I hadn’t. He asked them for help today and they turned him down. Funny that because they are treating him like some poor relation and not even fit enough to grace their houses. He is the ONLY DARK GRANDCHILD in the family. And my step-dad (or rather the man currently married to my mother) treats him with no respect at all.
The Other day my step-dad introduced me and my youngest brothers to another person. He said “These are my sons …. And this is my wife’s daughter.” I chimed in “actually NONE OF US ARE HIS. HE MARRIED OUR MOTHER WHEN THE YOUNGEST WAS 9 years old.” And walked off.
Today, my son asked him for financial help as he was in difficulties. It took a lot for the man to come forward. Today he refused – not because he couldn’t afford to but because he did not want to.
He actually said he had to go the Doctors due to stress. My mother who is practically at the doctors every day now. Does it for the sympathy it will give her. Especially when she reveals her true colours and does something like they did to my son above.
I am just sitting here because she wanted me to regale her to our relative visiting from abroad. I refused and am very pleased I did. Because this is how they truly feel about us. My son and my husband have watched me put up with such abuse for years. Now its more racially motivated than before.
Why racial? Because my younger brother (light-skinned got married abroad), they paid for his wedding. Me (tanned complexion), they would not even give me away at the wedding. I had to ask a family friend to do it. My other brother said he wanted to go abroad to represent the family at a relative’s funeral. They paid his fare. But when I asked my mother for help to attend a life saving operation at another hospital 40 miles from home. She actually sat next to my husband and said “good let her die.” And refused to give him the petrol money to visit me in hospital.
Yet she insists that I should attend the house because a relative has come from abroad for a visit.
Tell me after all that would you go?
