I Am Getting a Divorce
I am not exactly sure how to start this..
first of all,some people here might remember me,or might recall who I am once they click on my profile and have a look into my previous stories..
I thought a lot about deleting and taking down those stories,as if they had never existed,to leave this behind me, especially as,since the last time I was a member in the website,I received a lot of hateful messages,some even threatening, and it was weighing a lot on me,it had start to affect my real life and my day to day functions,it created an anxiety that I never expected..so the most logical thing would be,to start afresh, especially after being away for over a year and closing the account. But in the end,I decided against it, mainly because this story might bring some awareness, maybe not the one I was hoping for ,but people will be more cautious about who they interact with,or so I hope, and people will be more cautious of certain others who actively use the website and have even many friends.
But anyway,I digress,as per the title of this post..I am getting a divorce..
Last year,when I joined the website,and made those posts,my marriage was already in a rocky place. My husband would ignore my dreams and wants and goals ,for a while we pretend these were common,but I think it was fairly clear, even from the start, that our lives were very much different.. I tried to fit my life into his,to create a unity,to help him, to motivate him a lot of the time,to pull him up, but nothing I ever did ,or will do, would be enough. In the end,my much older, much immature, husband, decided to choose himself, instead of me, or what's worse, us. And that is ok, there is nothing wrong with choosing yourself, in fact it is what I will do myself from now,but..it is wrong to promise someone that you are ready to begin a life with them,and then not live up to that. If he had told me from the beginning that he would never be able to give anyone else more than what he gives to his wants ,maybe it would have lasted longer.
I am not sure why I am back here, especially after having such a horrible experience the last time. I guess I am feeling very lonely, upset and lost right now. I am trying to be logical and follow the order of the world as it is, but it seems that life is really a chaos and right now, despite all my efforts, my life is disorganised, dishonest and it honestly feels rather surreal.
Anyway, I guess this is more like a public diary, and I wish to anyone who is at the moment lost, for whatever reason that may be, that you find serenity...
first of all,some people here might remember me,or might recall who I am once they click on my profile and have a look into my previous stories..
I thought a lot about deleting and taking down those stories,as if they had never existed,to leave this behind me, especially as,since the last time I was a member in the website,I received a lot of hateful messages,some even threatening, and it was weighing a lot on me,it had start to affect my real life and my day to day functions,it created an anxiety that I never expected..so the most logical thing would be,to start afresh, especially after being away for over a year and closing the account. But in the end,I decided against it, mainly because this story might bring some awareness, maybe not the one I was hoping for ,but people will be more cautious about who they interact with,or so I hope, and people will be more cautious of certain others who actively use the website and have even many friends.
But anyway,I digress,as per the title of this post..I am getting a divorce..
Last year,when I joined the website,and made those posts,my marriage was already in a rocky place. My husband would ignore my dreams and wants and goals ,for a while we pretend these were common,but I think it was fairly clear, even from the start, that our lives were very much different.. I tried to fit my life into his,to create a unity,to help him, to motivate him a lot of the time,to pull him up, but nothing I ever did ,or will do, would be enough. In the end,my much older, much immature, husband, decided to choose himself, instead of me, or what's worse, us. And that is ok, there is nothing wrong with choosing yourself, in fact it is what I will do myself from now,but..it is wrong to promise someone that you are ready to begin a life with them,and then not live up to that. If he had told me from the beginning that he would never be able to give anyone else more than what he gives to his wants ,maybe it would have lasted longer.
I am not sure why I am back here, especially after having such a horrible experience the last time. I guess I am feeling very lonely, upset and lost right now. I am trying to be logical and follow the order of the world as it is, but it seems that life is really a chaos and right now, despite all my efforts, my life is disorganised, dishonest and it honestly feels rather surreal.
Anyway, I guess this is more like a public diary, and I wish to anyone who is at the moment lost, for whatever reason that may be, that you find serenity...
26-30, F
