It’s been a very long summer

Ten years ago,
this very moment,
I was in preterm labor with my oldest
only 32 weeks
terrified out of my mind
wondering what the future would hold.

And somehow
ten years have passed.

Ten years of being his mama. Ten years of watching
this tiny little boy grow into a young man. Ten years of loving him
with every piece of me.

And tomorrow is his birthday.

And fuck… it hurts.

It hurts in a way
I can’t even put into words.
Because no mother should have to know
what it feels like to be away from her babies this long.

I know they’ll be back next week.
I know this isn’t forever.But something about this
breaks something inside me.

My head hurts so badly
I’m trying not to cry,
because even the tears hurt right now.

But fuck it…
today it hurts.

I don’t know what I did
to deserve this kind of pain.
I don’t understand why
something that should be so simple, being there for your children

No parent should have to carry
this kind of ache.

It’s been a long summer.
A really fucking long summer.
I’m glad it’s almost over.
But today?
Today is hard.
Today I miss my babies
with every breath I take.