BROKEN RELATIONSHIP HELP - INCLUDING MARRIAGE CHALLENGES
For broken marriages, my best advice would be to watch the video, Fireproof. Do not jump to conclusions. This is not about putting blame on one or the other. Hundreds have saved their marriage from watching this and even buying the book that is available. It is really a great movie. I believe you can get this on CD and there are even courses that couples can take together to heal their marriage. It is very healing. Not focused on accusations, but real healing, with God's help. Here's a little bit about it.
In the wake of his daring rescue of a complete stranger, decorated firefighter Caleb Holt (Kirk Cameron) realizes the extent to which he has failed as a husband. In a desperate attempt to save his relationship with his wife, Catherine (Erin Bethea), Holt turns to The Love Dare, a Christian self-help book. At the prompting of his devout father, John (Harris Malcom) -- and guided by the book itself -- Holt embarks on a 40-day mission to rescue his marriage from the looming specter of divorce. Well worth viewing and I love that surprise ending. It is fabulous! It is well worth your time! God is in the healing business and he wants to heal our relationships. However, I just want to make note, that He is never for violent relationships and abuse, where one could lose their health or their life. If things cannot be worked out in such a situation, leave and never look back, but plan things first, very carefully with a free guidance counselor.
Effective Ways to Help Yourself
Be careful not to set yourself up for failure. When somebody breaks my heart, I don't take responsibility for it, unless I know in my heart, I am responsible. The reason we get or feel "broken", might be for any number of reasons. These are my own thoughts on this subject:
1. Because of selfish, inconsiderate people.
2. We're not too swift, when it comes to choosing. 🤭
3. We're foolish enough to take the person back who deliberately hurt us.
4. We never learned the lesson.
5. We were too giving. (There's a limit.)
6. We didn't exercise our boundaries, so they took advantage.
7. We said one thing, but meant another. Always speak the truth.
8. The other person was a narcissist.
9. You're not sure of what you even want.
10. We started a new relationship without giving ourselves time to heal from the past one!
11. If you feel you're too broken for a relationship or had too many issues, then be sure and fix them before you move on. Don't carry emotional baggage to your next potential boyfriend or partner.
12. One or both, were not honest from the get-go!
13. You weren't even ready for another relationship but you did it because perhaps you were bored, lonely, or depressed. Your emotions were all over the place. That's no way to start any new relationship.
14. You made excuses for his or her lies, and disrespectful behavior, instead of loving and respecting yourself. When you love yourself, you don't put up with that nonsense. Especially abuse. Surely, you're not that desperate! Get your self-worth in check! Never SETTLE!
15. You weren't quite that impressed with the person, anyway, but for whatever reason, and that could be many... thought you would try them out anyway, thinking they would change. Not going to happen! Forget it!
16. You weren't even attracted to them, but thought, "Oh well, no one else seems to be noticing me at the time and at least it will be company." This displays low self-esteem, low or no SELF confidence or worth, and really no respect for yourself. Such a haphazard way to treat yourself or approach dating.
17. You base your feelings on what the other person wants or needs. As a result, you change your mind to fit their need, whatever the occasion, running around like a senseless Stepford Wife. Don't do that to yourself. No one will respect you...ever.
18. You blowing everything on yourself. " I'm not good enough, I always do the wrong thing.... it's all my fault for always messing up, they don't love me, I'll never be what they're looking for, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not smart enough, I'm too heavy, I'm too stupid, the list goes on and on. These things one really needs to fix asap, and that means without rushing the process, before thinking about any relationship.
19. Again, along those lines, "But this person won't love me, unless I do this or that!" Great!!! That's not the person you need in your life then anyway, right?!! No one will respect you that way. Be happy you found out how they are, before you got further into the relationship. That's a disaster from the beginning! Don't settle for a jerk. Since when, were you born to be nothing but a people pleaser?
20. "I'll always be stuck in life. I really don't want to work, so I better find someone who will support me." PLEASE. Unless that's what they're looking for, to please a lady... no man will want a gold digger. It's not right to use people. This list goes for men OR women.
21. Did you ever stop to think it wasn't your fault? Some may try to make you feel that way. but that doesn't make it the truth. It makes it abusive and unacceptable. Or it should! Never stay with someone who looks down on you or constantly finds fault with you. Narcissists are experts at switching the tables to make you think everything is your fault. Don't play their game. Don't put yourself down like that. You know better. And every time you give in to this type manipulation, you are enabling this person to victimize you. Get out while you can, and never look back. You're being "programmed"!! Narcissists never change.
22. Sometimes the one we have our eye on, has more insecurities than we do! Sometimes we just make bad choices. Take note of their character, how they treat their parents, how they treat friends, their relationships, and even animals. If they show signs of abusiveness, indifference, selfishness, lack of self-control, phoniness, anger issues, fault finding, lying, argumentative, or dominance, those should throw up all types of red flags! Listen to your gut! Don't stand for these traits. Move right along and never look back. This person is not for you!
23. When people feel they are too broken or have too many issues for anyone to want them, you're giving yourself negative feedback. You need to go easy on yourself and give yourself the love you deserve. When you can truly say you love and respect yourself, without feeling the need to depend on any other outside influence in order to be happy and without constantly second-guessing yourself, then you'll feel something wonderful... what it feels like to be "whole". You'll finally have all the healthy-thinking basics you've needed, for a happy, balanced life: all the self-love, self-respect, self-confidence, and self-esteem tools, you need. You should be proud of yourself!
24. Please. When a person is unresponsive, quieter than usual, and does not reciprocate, this person is emotionally unavailable. The sooner you realize and admit that to yourself... the sooner you tell yourself the truth...the better you will feel and will have saved yourself a ton of emotional torment. Please don't put yourself in that spot, ever! Even if you think they're the most beautiful person in the world. It will never work out so stop trying to force something that will never be. These type people do not change, so don't fool yourself.
25. Please. When someone flat-out tells you they aren't interested in you, they're not interested in dating, they're not interested in a relationship like boyfriend/girlfriend, believe them. They're telling you the truth, so don't pursue it. You'll just be hurting yourself.
Another thing you don't want to do in this type situation is take it personally. Trust me, their decision has nothing to do with you, so don't pretend it does. Take "no!" for an answer. The fact is, everyone has their preferences and maybe, just maybe, you are not their cup of tea. So what? Don't assume that means there's something wrong with you. That's no reflection on you; it's just that they have different preferences.
I'm sure I could add much more to the list, but you get the gist.
Last, but not least: Anyone can fill in this blank...
"No one will ever want me, because I'm __________________."
First of all, you're lying to yourself. That's because one could be depressed, overwhelmed, sorrowful, grieving, just a number of things. It could also be, because we can feel sorry for ourselves, and after a while, if you tell yourself that long enough, you'll begin to believe it. Counseling would be good. Also, telling yourself the truth, instead of assuming or guessing your future. That's not fair to yourself.
You are you. Not whom or what anyone says you are. Be proud of that and own it. No one else is perfect in this world, and thankfully, that's not a requirement. People who put others down, are insecure, themselves. Please take care of yourselves and listen to your gut - stay away from toxic people.
In the wake of his daring rescue of a complete stranger, decorated firefighter Caleb Holt (Kirk Cameron) realizes the extent to which he has failed as a husband. In a desperate attempt to save his relationship with his wife, Catherine (Erin Bethea), Holt turns to The Love Dare, a Christian self-help book. At the prompting of his devout father, John (Harris Malcom) -- and guided by the book itself -- Holt embarks on a 40-day mission to rescue his marriage from the looming specter of divorce. Well worth viewing and I love that surprise ending. It is fabulous! It is well worth your time! God is in the healing business and he wants to heal our relationships. However, I just want to make note, that He is never for violent relationships and abuse, where one could lose their health or their life. If things cannot be worked out in such a situation, leave and never look back, but plan things first, very carefully with a free guidance counselor.
Effective Ways to Help Yourself
Be careful not to set yourself up for failure. When somebody breaks my heart, I don't take responsibility for it, unless I know in my heart, I am responsible. The reason we get or feel "broken", might be for any number of reasons. These are my own thoughts on this subject:
1. Because of selfish, inconsiderate people.
2. We're not too swift, when it comes to choosing. 🤭
3. We're foolish enough to take the person back who deliberately hurt us.
4. We never learned the lesson.
5. We were too giving. (There's a limit.)
6. We didn't exercise our boundaries, so they took advantage.
7. We said one thing, but meant another. Always speak the truth.
8. The other person was a narcissist.
9. You're not sure of what you even want.
10. We started a new relationship without giving ourselves time to heal from the past one!
11. If you feel you're too broken for a relationship or had too many issues, then be sure and fix them before you move on. Don't carry emotional baggage to your next potential boyfriend or partner.
12. One or both, were not honest from the get-go!
13. You weren't even ready for another relationship but you did it because perhaps you were bored, lonely, or depressed. Your emotions were all over the place. That's no way to start any new relationship.
14. You made excuses for his or her lies, and disrespectful behavior, instead of loving and respecting yourself. When you love yourself, you don't put up with that nonsense. Especially abuse. Surely, you're not that desperate! Get your self-worth in check! Never SETTLE!
15. You weren't quite that impressed with the person, anyway, but for whatever reason, and that could be many... thought you would try them out anyway, thinking they would change. Not going to happen! Forget it!
16. You weren't even attracted to them, but thought, "Oh well, no one else seems to be noticing me at the time and at least it will be company." This displays low self-esteem, low or no SELF confidence or worth, and really no respect for yourself. Such a haphazard way to treat yourself or approach dating.
17. You base your feelings on what the other person wants or needs. As a result, you change your mind to fit their need, whatever the occasion, running around like a senseless Stepford Wife. Don't do that to yourself. No one will respect you...ever.
18. You blowing everything on yourself. " I'm not good enough, I always do the wrong thing.... it's all my fault for always messing up, they don't love me, I'll never be what they're looking for, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not smart enough, I'm too heavy, I'm too stupid, the list goes on and on. These things one really needs to fix asap, and that means without rushing the process, before thinking about any relationship.
19. Again, along those lines, "But this person won't love me, unless I do this or that!" Great!!! That's not the person you need in your life then anyway, right?!! No one will respect you that way. Be happy you found out how they are, before you got further into the relationship. That's a disaster from the beginning! Don't settle for a jerk. Since when, were you born to be nothing but a people pleaser?
20. "I'll always be stuck in life. I really don't want to work, so I better find someone who will support me." PLEASE. Unless that's what they're looking for, to please a lady... no man will want a gold digger. It's not right to use people. This list goes for men OR women.
21. Did you ever stop to think it wasn't your fault? Some may try to make you feel that way. but that doesn't make it the truth. It makes it abusive and unacceptable. Or it should! Never stay with someone who looks down on you or constantly finds fault with you. Narcissists are experts at switching the tables to make you think everything is your fault. Don't play their game. Don't put yourself down like that. You know better. And every time you give in to this type manipulation, you are enabling this person to victimize you. Get out while you can, and never look back. You're being "programmed"!! Narcissists never change.
22. Sometimes the one we have our eye on, has more insecurities than we do! Sometimes we just make bad choices. Take note of their character, how they treat their parents, how they treat friends, their relationships, and even animals. If they show signs of abusiveness, indifference, selfishness, lack of self-control, phoniness, anger issues, fault finding, lying, argumentative, or dominance, those should throw up all types of red flags! Listen to your gut! Don't stand for these traits. Move right along and never look back. This person is not for you!
23. When people feel they are too broken or have too many issues for anyone to want them, you're giving yourself negative feedback. You need to go easy on yourself and give yourself the love you deserve. When you can truly say you love and respect yourself, without feeling the need to depend on any other outside influence in order to be happy and without constantly second-guessing yourself, then you'll feel something wonderful... what it feels like to be "whole". You'll finally have all the healthy-thinking basics you've needed, for a happy, balanced life: all the self-love, self-respect, self-confidence, and self-esteem tools, you need. You should be proud of yourself!
24. Please. When a person is unresponsive, quieter than usual, and does not reciprocate, this person is emotionally unavailable. The sooner you realize and admit that to yourself... the sooner you tell yourself the truth...the better you will feel and will have saved yourself a ton of emotional torment. Please don't put yourself in that spot, ever! Even if you think they're the most beautiful person in the world. It will never work out so stop trying to force something that will never be. These type people do not change, so don't fool yourself.
25. Please. When someone flat-out tells you they aren't interested in you, they're not interested in dating, they're not interested in a relationship like boyfriend/girlfriend, believe them. They're telling you the truth, so don't pursue it. You'll just be hurting yourself.
Another thing you don't want to do in this type situation is take it personally. Trust me, their decision has nothing to do with you, so don't pretend it does. Take "no!" for an answer. The fact is, everyone has their preferences and maybe, just maybe, you are not their cup of tea. So what? Don't assume that means there's something wrong with you. That's no reflection on you; it's just that they have different preferences.
I'm sure I could add much more to the list, but you get the gist.
Last, but not least: Anyone can fill in this blank...
"No one will ever want me, because I'm __________________."
First of all, you're lying to yourself. That's because one could be depressed, overwhelmed, sorrowful, grieving, just a number of things. It could also be, because we can feel sorry for ourselves, and after a while, if you tell yourself that long enough, you'll begin to believe it. Counseling would be good. Also, telling yourself the truth, instead of assuming or guessing your future. That's not fair to yourself.
You are you. Not whom or what anyone says you are. Be proud of that and own it. No one else is perfect in this world, and thankfully, that's not a requirement. People who put others down, are insecure, themselves. Please take care of yourselves and listen to your gut - stay away from toxic people.
