Where to even go from here? Feeling so defeated 😔

I don’t even know where to begin. My head feels like it could explode. This post is a continuation about the difficult events that happened over Christmas 2023 and my mom’s ex-husband contacting me after 20 years of not hearing from him. So I’ve been in contact with him and his current ex-wife, who actually is the one that found me. Him and his current ex wife are very close and good friends. I’ve been talking to her just trying to get some questions answered. I knew her as a child as well and I thought she might be a good neutral person to talk to. She told me about a lot of really horrible, manipulative things my mother supposedly did when I was a child to her ex-husband. Telling me the reason he wasn’t around is because my mother actually kept me from him. Made it impossible for him to be in my life. But still demanded he paid child support. My mother told me that her ex-husband used to beat her and all this other horrible stuff but according to his current ex-wife, he has never laid a finger on her. Told me some pretty crazy stories of stuff my mother allegedly said and did. And I don’t know why, but I think I believe her. It’s hard not to. I knew my mother wasn’t the best person. She was mentally ill. A drug addict. Lied and abused me. Kept secrets from me. Even stole from me. She was manipulative. So honestly, I wouldn’t put it past her to have lied to me and kept her ex-husband from me that could’ve potentially been a good father to me. But hey, she’s dead now, so it’s not like I can go confront her about any of this and most likely, she would just lie to me anyways. I don’t even know what to do. I don’t know who to trust. I feel so messed up. So it’s like where do I even go from here? Do I try to rekindle things and have a good loving family that I’ve never had? Or do I just cut everybody out of my life and isolate because I can’t trust anyone? I don’t know what to do anymore.