Yesterday was a rough day for me

In 2015 my biological father passed away and he was found a few days later to where he had to be cremated. Yesterday I went pick up his ashes because the corners office has been holding them and there was issues getting them I had a lot happen and didn't get a chance to pick them up till now. I didn't know what I wanted to do with them either but I'm going to put them in a cemetery where his sister is so it's going to be a bit rough. I don't really know how to feel about it because I never had the best relationship with my dad. My dad was abusive to me and then after he had a stroke he changed in a bad way he got very mean and violent to where me and my mom had to move away for our safety. after we left I cut all contact with him so i don't really know how to feel about the whole thing. Now that I have his ashes and have them in my room with me till I can go meet with the place that has to take care of everything I just really feel very emotionally numb with the whole thing. I don't know if that's the most appropriate way to feel with the whole situation it's just a weird and uncomfortable situation in a way im glad that its finally getting taken care of but at the same time I don't know how to truly feel about the whole thing.