I Am An Adult Adoptee

Wow. I've thought about this day for many many many years! I've searched and searched best I could. I always hit a brick wall. So many times I gave up, or rather took a long break here and there. All the thoughts of how we wonder how it will all play out. It never does the way you think it might. Sooo many mixed emotions when it finally happens out of nowhere, when you least expect it. And THEN, the whirl wind as more and more things come out, as people meet one anther, and ya know someone is rolling in their grave right about now. Felt my ears ringing! lol And to find out, they all were wondering where I was & the Sister I always longed for, finally was found!! To know someone has had baby pictures of me all this time, and even the little bassinet I laid in when I was a baby and a picture of my Sister & I together. I only have one picture of me when I was 5 years old. So that is going to be a huge treat!! Cousins that live right across the street from me, and I never knew. They've even been in my home as a guest! A huge family of cousins right here. One or two I was already acquainted with of sorts. To be invited into their family at Christmas time to boot just blows my mind!! The downer of it all though is, the letter I have to write, because I'm told my birth mother is not one I want to meet & that she's cruel. But after all these years I've wondered on every birthday, every Mothers Day, and so many other days I wondered who I looked like, sounded like, so I have to at least face this woman who birthed me, tossed me around to family members, until the State stepped in, in order to have that closure. Let that be on her if she turns me away. I have class and I obviously didn't get it from her. What a letter it will be, if that is all I get to say or do, but it will be hand delivered. It's contents will be deep & compassionate, for I do not know the story of HER life, & why she did the things she did. Those choices are for her to bear, not mine. She will be given the opportunity, regardless of what I've been told, to tell her story. If not, I am good with that also. My life is no longer the life it was. And to think there is still so so much more to learn....I am ready.