I Am Adopted and Have Never Met My Parents

I think the hardest part is the not knowing, the lingering questions that seem to raise their head when I am at my lowest, or the triggers that no one else understands or are aware of.

The odd comment, oh don't you look like your dad?

I wish I knew, I want to know but two people have unselfishly taken me in to their lives and offered their unconditional love, nurtured me and provided for me, may be even better than my blood parents, but unlike most I will never.

I won’t know who i look like, I won’t know my story and whether I was a mistake or not. I lead two lives, the real life of me and the life that I will never know, and since having children and as i get older it becomes even more difficult.

I feel duty and love bound to my adoptive parents and can’t help but think that any search for my blood parents would be the biggest betrayal.

garmicsmi · 41-45, M

@Fallflower yes I have spoken to them often, but every time I do it the harder it becomes to want to go out there and search. There is of course the fear of finding out something you don’t want to. It is really a difficult conundrum. My mum has been very poorly which makes it feel even harder too.