Lost people I loved to the grind
I didn't know two years can change so much.
Update: my dad is going crazy. He has strange breakdowns where he's laughing at his own tragedies. Happens every evening after sunset.
This man, I swear.
I just don't know what to do. It's like he's fading away, dying slowly.
After telling me that I'm dead to him, after abandoning me because I wanted to marry of my own will, he suddenly misses me, wants to make up for lost time, he was apologizing to all his children. He was saying he'll be a better man. It's all strange. It's not the father I'm used to. This is not him. This is someone else. I feel lost and scared. This is unusual for me. I am miles away and I can't help him. I hate myself for empathizing with him, when he could not empathize with me. He refused to acknowledge how hurt and depressed I felt that they will not let me marry the man I love. He had mocked me then. I don't know why, then, I love him unconditionally and don't want to see him suffer. I don't want him to feel alone and depressed. He complains of loneliness, that no one wants to spend time with him, no one likes to talk to him. Why does it move the earth under my feet to hear him talk like so? When he hung up on our last phone call when I had told him I am hurt and extremely upset? He didn't feel the same for me. I wonder if he thinks about it now? About how I felt?
Why do I love my parents despite their objective cruelties on us?
Update: my dad is going crazy. He has strange breakdowns where he's laughing at his own tragedies. Happens every evening after sunset.
This man, I swear.
I just don't know what to do. It's like he's fading away, dying slowly.
After telling me that I'm dead to him, after abandoning me because I wanted to marry of my own will, he suddenly misses me, wants to make up for lost time, he was apologizing to all his children. He was saying he'll be a better man. It's all strange. It's not the father I'm used to. This is not him. This is someone else. I feel lost and scared. This is unusual for me. I am miles away and I can't help him. I hate myself for empathizing with him, when he could not empathize with me. He refused to acknowledge how hurt and depressed I felt that they will not let me marry the man I love. He had mocked me then. I don't know why, then, I love him unconditionally and don't want to see him suffer. I don't want him to feel alone and depressed. He complains of loneliness, that no one wants to spend time with him, no one likes to talk to him. Why does it move the earth under my feet to hear him talk like so? When he hung up on our last phone call when I had told him I am hurt and extremely upset? He didn't feel the same for me. I wonder if he thinks about it now? About how I felt?
Why do I love my parents despite their objective cruelties on us?
31-35, F
