I hate projection and toxic behavior. -Might get deleted later

I'm actually very satisfied at how pissed they both are at me.
My brother and his friend has been a real pain in the butt for me since I believe 2024 right after my sister got married and moved out.
This has been and still is a part of my therapy, me and the therapist are always trying to fix this which is taking a lot of unnecessary energy unfortunately which could be directed towards other parts of me.

I'm tired of the 24 hours surveillance and judgement on everything I fucking say or do or every idea and thought I've ever had that they know about. They obviously don't know a lot but it's fucked up how they assume that everything they think of me is true, to them I'm a complete failure in all aspects of life just because they are a little more successful than me, there's no one freaking boundary left untouched not even that I'm older than they are, even my friends get judged by them and I get told everyday that I don't even know how to act around people and especially women and all I get from them is lectures about everything and if I fucking try to stand up for myself they twist everything and say that they're just joking. It's really disturbing especially my brother for instance who shares at least 90% of my health issues so he knows how it feels but that doesn't matter to him.

Well I was really in a bad mood yesterday as I typed all the previous parts. It's all stupid they judge me for not having friends and then when I make friends they tell me oh go find someone your age and that I'm wasting precious time going out with losers like me who don't have "busy time". Last thing I was going out to see a friend then another friend. I was being responsible and telling them I'll be out from 5:30 to 9. (Because my mom is on the road a lot these days and the hospital with dad) I got told in a mocking way oh you could spend those hours on LinkedIn instead.

The problem truly can't be in me. I told my youngest sister (doesn't live with us) for example about my new friend and she was actually happy for me. I don't know what do they want from me really and I shouldn't care.

Yesterday I embarrassed them on purpose for the second time because I had enough. This time they were interfering between me and my mom. I was outside the other day and they basically take whatever she says to them about me and twist it around so it's somehow my fault. If she worries about me and not my brother it's because I'm soft and spoiled and my behavior is the reason she says that 🤦 and if she says I'm nice they tell her that I trust the wrong people and I'll get myself into serious shit because I been seeing my friend a lot (and continuing to meet new people because I recently discovered I like doing that). And after that they beg me to not mention anything to my mom and I took the chance and confronted them in front of her. It basically screwed up with their heads and they got upset at me. After all this shit they're the ones upset and saying I can't be trusted 🤦 and I'm totally okay with that.

I just hate that I cried over this shit yesterday. In private and in silence. And I truly don't want their fucking validation or acceptance but I'm also not a machine and I want to exist in peace. I deserve that.

Also now you get why I'm keeping therapy and a lot really to myself.