Have you ever been the family peacemaker? Need some advice My mom and my brother are currently...

GoFish · 41-45, F

She disrespected him by forcing her bf on him when he clearly made it clear he didn't want him around his son for whatever reasons thats his choice .. but he should know she is elderly and you never know when they might die so he should make his peace with however he is treating her.. idk the guy your mom is dating and if his hate for him is justified or not but she disrespected him by violating his wishes and she knows that 😒 idk there’s nothing you can do at this point because she’s disregarding both your wishes at this point because neither of your care for the dude so just ask yourselves if you are being fair or not but also we just expect people to keep living but sometimes they suddenly don't so.. make sure your bro realizes that if your mom was suddenly gone for whatever reasons that he wouldn't have any regrets about his ongoing attitude towards her right now..

Miram · 31-35, F

My advice is that you don't.

I kept connection with my mother and took care of her while all my siblings refused to interact with her.

They were capable of deciding the boundaries they wish to prioritize, and of how to express them the way they see fit.

It is not your job to fix what others don't want fixing. It is not your problem. They aren't children.

beermeplease · M

sounds familiar (to some extent) to what i went through. when my dad died my mom began to date someone around 2 years later. he was the worst thing that could have happened to my mom and me and my brother....mom has been gone now since 2022 and i'm not sure if he's dead yet but now since mom is gone i'd love to give him a piece of my mind, if he is still alive....sorry you're going through this

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

I have no advice. I'm not wise enough for that. But I agree, both sides are being a tad bit infantile & I say that with the utmost respect.
I can understand not liking the guy. I can understand not wanting your kid to have to know him because of that. But I can also understand your mom loving & caring for someone new after such a huge loss. I know it's not easy for anyone.. but I know it was likely hardest on her. She's likely not trying to replace anyone. She's just trying to move on after such pain. Someone is helping make her happy. I don't know the circumstances but I'd wanna see my mom happy. I'd only oppose if it was bad for her health, physically or mentally or whatever

Penny · 46-50, F

i'd say leave it alone. let him be like that. if your mom dies more inheritance for you lol. (not that thats the reason) he has a right to not like the guy and protect his kid for whatever reason. I wouldnt push him on him. stay out of it.

bijouxbroussard · F

That’s a tough one…but I understand your brother’s perspective. Your mother was the one who changed the rules, and she put her friend ahead of the concerns of her son regarding his child.

Her son now feels like he can’t trust her. That’s a big deal. I’m not sure what you can say to him—his feelings are pretty valid. 🥺

Mamapolo2016 · F

The peacemaker almost never receives gratitude from either faction. To say it’s a thankless job is a massive understatement because to arrive at.a compromise, both have to make concessions, and even if they do, they’ll think you took sides.

Hope it blows over. Just stay out of the blast radius.

0uijaFinger

Goodness, Im sp sorry. It sounds incredibly rough. I can suggest time is a healer. But one of them has to give. It's not fair that youve been put in the middle either. Has your mum said why she did that?

deadgerbil · 26-30, M

I've tried to be and people can be so idiotic, selfish, and insufferable that they need to be kept separated for peace. As such, my sister no longer comes to the house to keep my mom, grandmother, and sister from blowing up. It's exhausting dealing with my mom's and grandparent's failed parenting and excuses.

More detailed answer would revolve around why isn't her boyfriend liked by you guys? That is the basis for judging what is and isn't an overreaction

Diotrephes · 70-79, M

This is an example of why a man should never, ever, marry a woman who had kids by another man.

Justmeraeagain · 56-60, F

Unless the two parties wish to unstick it I'm not sure there's much a neutral party can do.

CrazyChick21 · 46-50, F

It would help if we knew the reasons why you don't like the new partner. I think it's better the devil you know really, the closer you keep someone you are wary of, the easier it is to see what they are like or what they are doing.

nonsensiclesnail · F

What your mom did was inconsiderate. You have no control over that
What your brother is doing is almost childish. You can’t control this either. They both need to make better choices in how they interact.
You can tell them how you feel, but to what end? Mom so badly wants to have what she lost she’s trying to force it because she wants everyone to get along. Your brother has set boundaries which he will not allow to be crossed and that’s perfectly fine.
You can’t make peace when no one is willing to back down from their point of view. So that’s what you need to change is the point of view, the perspective, and get them to compromise by seeing things differently.

Chern0bylplaygr0unds

keep being neutral and let them sort themselves out . My Mom is always trying to drag me in the mud with her over things my brothers did or didn't do and I simply choose to not engage with it ..
I change the subject and move to a different topic