I would have given you my years
Mom, if the option was presented to me...of forfeiting my remaining years...to give them to you...I think I would have.
The only reason "think" is even in that sentence is because my mom raised my niece (my sisters daughter) and although my niece loved my mom....loved her as if it was her own mom....her best friend... the living situation was less than ideal.
My mom had a soft spot for her kids (and thus not much of a backbone) so she would let her drug addict daughter (my sister/nieces mom) live with them whenever my sister needed to. It was a stand alone rental unit/tiny house with 3 bed 2 bath, for "income restricted" people. If you know you know.
There was much conflict....examples: my sister had needles in her room all the time, would "nod out" constantly, sneak guys in through the window, and sometimes did "spice" and thought she saw bugs in the carpet so she poured bleach on it, and also got into a fist fight with my visiting brother, etc.....
My mom was also a bit of a hoarder....in food. I assume from the poverty level her family came from. When all the apps came about with cash back for this and cash back for that (Ibotta, especially) she would specifically buy the product even if she didn't need it, to get the "cash back". She would have 6 bottles of Heinz ketchup because there was cash back in the app. No one ever used those bottles. When she died, the amount of expired food was INSANE.
I never could get it into her head that if you buy 6 bottles of ketchup for $10, to get $5 cash back...and no one uses the ketchup...you are still out $5.
Anyway.... I had thought my niece was happy there because of how much she loved my mom (passed May 2024)
Recently my niece told me that she is happiest here/now.
I loved that but felt conflicted/weird/felt the need to re-evaluate
For context, I also grew up in an "addiction"/ split household environment.
When my mom/nieces grandma died I thought it would be the end of the world for my niece.
It was, for a moment.
Then it wasn't.
Conflicting... I don't know.
Unexpected.
I guess I never wanted to see my mom in any bad way. She is the reason I had made it here, alive.
Because of her I feel like a person can have faults but still be amazing..
But now it is also because of her that I think a person can mean their best, try their best, and still be wrong/toxic/not for you
When in reality....to outsiders I guess it is totally "expected".
Remove a child from a toxic, hostile, stifling environment and they (should technically) thrive.
I had thought I would give my remaining years to my mom, to keep her alive and so my niece would be happy
But....my niece is happy....and that is all my mom would have wanted. SHE would have given her life for my niece.
I will now carry that torch.
The only reason "think" is even in that sentence is because my mom raised my niece (my sisters daughter) and although my niece loved my mom....loved her as if it was her own mom....her best friend... the living situation was less than ideal.
My mom had a soft spot for her kids (and thus not much of a backbone) so she would let her drug addict daughter (my sister/nieces mom) live with them whenever my sister needed to. It was a stand alone rental unit/tiny house with 3 bed 2 bath, for "income restricted" people. If you know you know.
There was much conflict....examples: my sister had needles in her room all the time, would "nod out" constantly, sneak guys in through the window, and sometimes did "spice" and thought she saw bugs in the carpet so she poured bleach on it, and also got into a fist fight with my visiting brother, etc.....
My mom was also a bit of a hoarder....in food. I assume from the poverty level her family came from. When all the apps came about with cash back for this and cash back for that (Ibotta, especially) she would specifically buy the product even if she didn't need it, to get the "cash back". She would have 6 bottles of Heinz ketchup because there was cash back in the app. No one ever used those bottles. When she died, the amount of expired food was INSANE.
I never could get it into her head that if you buy 6 bottles of ketchup for $10, to get $5 cash back...and no one uses the ketchup...you are still out $5.
Anyway.... I had thought my niece was happy there because of how much she loved my mom (passed May 2024)
Recently my niece told me that she is happiest here/now.
I loved that but felt conflicted/weird/felt the need to re-evaluate
For context, I also grew up in an "addiction"/ split household environment.
When my mom/nieces grandma died I thought it would be the end of the world for my niece.
It was, for a moment.
Then it wasn't.
Conflicting... I don't know.
Unexpected.
I guess I never wanted to see my mom in any bad way. She is the reason I had made it here, alive.
Because of her I feel like a person can have faults but still be amazing..
But now it is also because of her that I think a person can mean their best, try their best, and still be wrong/toxic/not for you
When in reality....to outsiders I guess it is totally "expected".
Remove a child from a toxic, hostile, stifling environment and they (should technically) thrive.
I had thought I would give my remaining years to my mom, to keep her alive and so my niece would be happy
But....my niece is happy....and that is all my mom would have wanted. SHE would have given her life for my niece.
I will now carry that torch.
