Any experience with a widowed parent dating a new person?

It can be sad and scary. Like you're losing your parent. The man my mom married later in life destroyed her and I felt so bad but I wasn't around because he was awful. But she chose him.

I can honestly say I would never choose a partner over my child, but different generations have different thoughts about it.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It can be really confusing and hurtful.

It's got to be tough on mom, too.
But if the guy doesn't treat you guys respectfully then he reaps what he sows right?
I'm not sure I'll date again ,but it's one of the things I think about how such a person would get along with my adult children.
I don't think I would continue to date someone that was rude to my children for no reason.
I think some people get very lonely, maybe that's your mom and she wants a companion?
That doesn't mean you got to take any meanness from him ,of course.

I feel your pain.
I don’t know what to say other than
As long as he isn’t treating your mom unkindly.
Maybe just focus on you and your path
Let them get on with it

I’m just thinking of my neighbours daughter who is in a bad relationship but the more she hated and voiced her dislike of the daughter’s boyfriend the more victim he played and gained her sympathy

Hopefully just stay kind and she sees his true colours.

Similar situation for me with a parent remarrying after being widowed young. The summary I've found is it isn't easy but try to maintain a relationship with your mum and be polite as best you can with her new friend. That said if your mum is asking questions of what you think you need to be honest but graceful. The new friend has to accept that your mum had a long life before she met him and your mum should be able to talk about that part of her life. If he is not allowing that it is a massive red flag.

I actually did happen to luck out. My mom and dad divorced (right after I graduated HS) and she eventually married a man who was more like a father to me than my own father. And when my stepfather passed away, I hit the jackpot again when she married a man who was wonderful to me and my entire family.

Lol….. yes, my mom was never very good at being alone.

But the point I’m getting at is that there’s no way in hell she would have married a man who treated her family like crap. And the men knew right from jump how important her family was to her. Lol….. we even vetoed one candidate and she broke things off with him. We were all very much in favor of her finding love but it had to be with the right candidate! 😅

I think that’s the toughest hurdle I’d have to clear if I were in your situation, why my mom was okay being with someone who was shitty to me and other members of my family. Tolerating that level of disrespect towards the people she loved. The math just wouldn’t add up despite how well he treated her. Maybe I could somehow make it work in my head intellectually for her sake and the sake of peace but emotionally, I just don’t think I could get there.

Boundaries... simply remind her that you're an adult now and you can decide for yourself who you choose to associate with and who you do not.

As my mother neared death, she decided to try one last time to build some sort of bridge between my abusive father and I (I decided to cut him off as soon as I turned 16 and court appointed visitation expired - now, I did try to keep going just so I could continue to try to protect my siblings from the abuse... but my mother wouldn't let me, so the best I could do was to protect myself at that point).

All I did was to continue to hold my line, fair enough, I tried a couple of times... but I was dissociating to handle it - especially when I was left working alone with him. So, I maintained my "No" and have further limited my association with people I know who choose to have him around their houses.

They can't respect me enough to make sure he's not there for the hour I'm there - so, why should I put in the effort to maintain an ongoing relationship with them???

Did you change your age in the settings?

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Chances are he didn't get along with other males in his family either. That or his dad was borderline abusive. Anyhow, hopefully he keeps treating your mom right.

But youre almost 60... which means theyre like... 80... who cares at that point? Just tell him to shove it while you talk to your mother... 😅😂

@uncalled4 = The one thing a guy should never, ever, do is to get involved with woman who had kids by another man. It is one of the biggest mistakes he can ever make.