Sorry I am going to be spam posting a little bit
My husband is asleep now and I'm wide awake and have thoughts.
My dad told me that he thinks I turned out great and he's proud of me and I screenshotted it and sent it to my husband and my best friend.... Because I never expected to see those words coming from him.
All my life, my dad had been more interested in my brothers. That was just the way it was, and my dad admits the girls were harder. We didn't have boy scouts or sports or whatever that my dad could relate to. I felt this my whole life until I grew up.
Then suddenly I was the one interested in the things my dad was good at. I talk to my dad almost daily, my brothers don't. My sister died and it made my dad want to be a better father to me too.
Now I have a good job, a nice home, a good marriage. I'm better with finances than my brothers, I'm a more tolerable person. I don't feel like I can praise my dad for his good work raising me tho. Because I didn't become this person until I was an adult and I learned the real hard lessons. He helped, for sure, once I was an adult and the things he's good at became relevant to me. I knew where to go to figure out what to do. And not everybody can say that. Not everybody has that person to ask the stupid questions to and will be patient and actually help.
I'm not saying my dad is a bad dad... He's not... It's just that he didn't live to his potential for me until I was ready for that. And maybe that was too late. And that's probably how it goes. I don't know everyone's experiences. I just feel like my dad is such a different person now than when I was a teenager. Hes kinder, more patient... And I've grown to be... Him. Again, not a bad thing. But I also don't want to be the person who misses out on life the way I feel he did to reach a goal thats so far away from me right now.
I'm trying to live both worlds and it's a struggle.
My dad told me that he thinks I turned out great and he's proud of me and I screenshotted it and sent it to my husband and my best friend.... Because I never expected to see those words coming from him.
All my life, my dad had been more interested in my brothers. That was just the way it was, and my dad admits the girls were harder. We didn't have boy scouts or sports or whatever that my dad could relate to. I felt this my whole life until I grew up.
Then suddenly I was the one interested in the things my dad was good at. I talk to my dad almost daily, my brothers don't. My sister died and it made my dad want to be a better father to me too.
Now I have a good job, a nice home, a good marriage. I'm better with finances than my brothers, I'm a more tolerable person. I don't feel like I can praise my dad for his good work raising me tho. Because I didn't become this person until I was an adult and I learned the real hard lessons. He helped, for sure, once I was an adult and the things he's good at became relevant to me. I knew where to go to figure out what to do. And not everybody can say that. Not everybody has that person to ask the stupid questions to and will be patient and actually help.
I'm not saying my dad is a bad dad... He's not... It's just that he didn't live to his potential for me until I was ready for that. And maybe that was too late. And that's probably how it goes. I don't know everyone's experiences. I just feel like my dad is such a different person now than when I was a teenager. Hes kinder, more patient... And I've grown to be... Him. Again, not a bad thing. But I also don't want to be the person who misses out on life the way I feel he did to reach a goal thats so far away from me right now.
I'm trying to live both worlds and it's a struggle.
26-30, F
