I realised I've become her...
The other day I had to sit and really think about the dynamics of the relationship with my mum.
The roles have reversed again.
My mum is feeling rather vulnerable ATM because of her stress from work, tired from the menopause and just a general feeling of inadequacy due to a mountain of regrets.
So it's knocked her confidence.
Her realisation and hope has fluctuations.
But since my father passed I would say her lows last longer than her highs. His energy recharged her ( key element).
When I was younger one thing I noticed about my mum was her irritation and lack of patience towards me. (I have spoken of telling a family friend that I hated my mum I just didn't know how to articulate it)
Anyways what my mum sees in me (something she's told me on her good days) I'm confident, not afraid to make mistakes, resourceful, an in despite the knocks resilient because I keep going.
All incredibly nice things to be told...
My mum on the other hand won't admit it but she finds me intimidating.
So she makes mistakes, asks repeated questions about things she should know and generally doesn't seem to retain information.
Which after a while has become frustrating to me.
Out of respect I've tried to hold things down, but my comments have gone from, understanding, slight irritation, to passive aggressive to direct confrontation.
The roles have reversed and I am being the example I was set. Not very pleasant.
😕 I'm not doing this to be mean to her. Now I'm aware of it I'm consciously going to find a way to navigate the emotions that are brought up.
One thing I remember growing up was that I was afraid of my mum. Her emotions were prickly, I often felt like a burden and I seemed far too slow at grasping anything.
That is not who I wish to be.
I don't want my children to experience the same or carrying on this pattern. Not because it will affect me in later life (if history serves) patience and understanding are fantastic traits to possess and for the betterment of their interactions.
The roles have reversed again.
My mum is feeling rather vulnerable ATM because of her stress from work, tired from the menopause and just a general feeling of inadequacy due to a mountain of regrets.
So it's knocked her confidence.
Her realisation and hope has fluctuations.
But since my father passed I would say her lows last longer than her highs. His energy recharged her ( key element).
When I was younger one thing I noticed about my mum was her irritation and lack of patience towards me. (I have spoken of telling a family friend that I hated my mum I just didn't know how to articulate it)
Anyways what my mum sees in me (something she's told me on her good days) I'm confident, not afraid to make mistakes, resourceful, an in despite the knocks resilient because I keep going.
All incredibly nice things to be told...
My mum on the other hand won't admit it but she finds me intimidating.
So she makes mistakes, asks repeated questions about things she should know and generally doesn't seem to retain information.
Which after a while has become frustrating to me.
Out of respect I've tried to hold things down, but my comments have gone from, understanding, slight irritation, to passive aggressive to direct confrontation.
The roles have reversed and I am being the example I was set. Not very pleasant.
😕 I'm not doing this to be mean to her. Now I'm aware of it I'm consciously going to find a way to navigate the emotions that are brought up.
One thing I remember growing up was that I was afraid of my mum. Her emotions were prickly, I often felt like a burden and I seemed far too slow at grasping anything.
That is not who I wish to be.
I don't want my children to experience the same or carrying on this pattern. Not because it will affect me in later life (if history serves) patience and understanding are fantastic traits to possess and for the betterment of their interactions.
31-35, F
