So an update on my mum's behaviour...
After asking my mum to step back a bit because her “help” was becoming stressful — the lateness, the forgetfulness, the anxious behaviour — she responded with a long guilt-ridden message about feeling bad not helping me while I’m six months pregnant.
I reassured her I was grateful for her help, but I don’t want her feeling drained or unappreciated. When I correct her on mistakes.
We celebrated my dog’s birthday on Sunday, when she got home I sent a text and suggested she spend a little one-to-one time with my son occasionally, just an hour or so on a weekend. She immediately said she couldn’t do it every week, I went on to make it clear I hadn’t asked for her to do so every week, she then gave a vague “let’s see.”
This week she suddenly didn’t come round on Monday or Tuesday — completely out of character, especially after the text saying she’d feel guilty not helping. She casually told me she was going home early for a bath Monday night. I didn’t press it; I was too tired for another argument.
On Tuesday she offered to accompany me picking up my son but later said she could go herself if my hospital procedure overran.
When I told her I didn’t have the procedure, she started focusing on her parcels and a GP call about her finger.
She went on to say said she wouldn’t come with me to nursery. Again, I didn’t complain.
But she didn’t seem to remember, that I had counselling at 6pm — something she previously said she’d support me with. So when I mentioned it during her call to me afterwards, and said my son got fussy but I just comforted him and he fell asleep she responded "oh, why didn't I know you had counselling today!" I honestly didn't know why as we had discussed it. Last week, Sunday and in our earlier conversation.
She popped round on Wednesday because I’d had a rough maternity appointment. Which was nice.
Today, during our call she mentioned coming Friday “so I could have a bath,” her tone irritated me. It sounded like she was implying I needed to ask permission. (She's insisted it's not safe climbing in and out the bath on my own) One comment led to a full argument.
I told her straight: all week I’ve felt like she was being passive-aggressive. Ever since Sunday, when I shut the kitchen door, when she was in the living room with my son.
It’s been like she’s punishing me by quietly withdrawing help — no heads-up, no communication, just acting like it’s normal to break the routine. She makes decisions without consulting me, claims she forgets things we literally talked about, and then acts like I’m controlling her when I question it.
I cook her dinner so she doesn’t have to go home exhausted at 9pm, and that becomes a problem too, because now she wants to pay me. She insists she had no bad intentions, but her actions contradict her words.
Things have ended with her saying she’ll be here three days a week when my son is home — but I honestly don’t want that.
It doesn’t feel genuine.
It feels like a game: she doesn’t want to look like a bad mum, but she uses forgetfulness and inconsistency as a way to avoid responsibility while still expecting credit.
I'm in a tight spot here. Because i am not allowed to make legitimate requests, or set boundaries. My mum always appears to interpret them as criticism and or rejection.
It's exhausting, and I don’t want this dynamic anymore.
I reassured her I was grateful for her help, but I don’t want her feeling drained or unappreciated. When I correct her on mistakes.
We celebrated my dog’s birthday on Sunday, when she got home I sent a text and suggested she spend a little one-to-one time with my son occasionally, just an hour or so on a weekend. She immediately said she couldn’t do it every week, I went on to make it clear I hadn’t asked for her to do so every week, she then gave a vague “let’s see.”
This week she suddenly didn’t come round on Monday or Tuesday — completely out of character, especially after the text saying she’d feel guilty not helping. She casually told me she was going home early for a bath Monday night. I didn’t press it; I was too tired for another argument.
On Tuesday she offered to accompany me picking up my son but later said she could go herself if my hospital procedure overran.
When I told her I didn’t have the procedure, she started focusing on her parcels and a GP call about her finger.
She went on to say said she wouldn’t come with me to nursery. Again, I didn’t complain.
But she didn’t seem to remember, that I had counselling at 6pm — something she previously said she’d support me with. So when I mentioned it during her call to me afterwards, and said my son got fussy but I just comforted him and he fell asleep she responded "oh, why didn't I know you had counselling today!" I honestly didn't know why as we had discussed it. Last week, Sunday and in our earlier conversation.
She popped round on Wednesday because I’d had a rough maternity appointment. Which was nice.
Today, during our call she mentioned coming Friday “so I could have a bath,” her tone irritated me. It sounded like she was implying I needed to ask permission. (She's insisted it's not safe climbing in and out the bath on my own) One comment led to a full argument.
I told her straight: all week I’ve felt like she was being passive-aggressive. Ever since Sunday, when I shut the kitchen door, when she was in the living room with my son.
It’s been like she’s punishing me by quietly withdrawing help — no heads-up, no communication, just acting like it’s normal to break the routine. She makes decisions without consulting me, claims she forgets things we literally talked about, and then acts like I’m controlling her when I question it.
I cook her dinner so she doesn’t have to go home exhausted at 9pm, and that becomes a problem too, because now she wants to pay me. She insists she had no bad intentions, but her actions contradict her words.
Things have ended with her saying she’ll be here three days a week when my son is home — but I honestly don’t want that.
It doesn’t feel genuine.
It feels like a game: she doesn’t want to look like a bad mum, but she uses forgetfulness and inconsistency as a way to avoid responsibility while still expecting credit.
I'm in a tight spot here. Because i am not allowed to make legitimate requests, or set boundaries. My mum always appears to interpret them as criticism and or rejection.
It's exhausting, and I don’t want this dynamic anymore.
31-35, F
