Good morning, morning coffee and feeling defeated

I'm going to extremes, I must calm
But I see what happens and how my frequency changes and were I am put.

I absolutely feel like a failure, comparing myself to so many others I have met throughout my journeys, whom like me, went out in search of something bigger and then returned back to their home towns and made a project and made a difference. I, on the contrary don't have the supportive environment those had.
I do have it though and I know I do, but I am losing my belief and everything goes in vain.

It is not the first time.

I had this terrible dream again about these tiny insects that inhibit my mom's house - and I saw these having made a nest inside of my left arm. They were eating my arm.

I see, I know. I must remember.

Somehow I am blaming myself for everything, for the choices, for the relationship with my family. Because after all this focus in healing, I had expectations, even if not realising it.

I know SW is already loaded with lots of pain and negativity and I do my best to bring good things here, but I also need to be honest with my journey.

I am not where I want to be and supposedly I am "home". This is not home, no. This is unsettling.