Am I going to be something soon enough? I'm sorry for these posts but I'm losing my mind.

When I was a kid I accused my parents of abusing me and I will never be able to take that back. They lived their whole lives doing and trying their best despite all the hardship they went through (and they did go through hardship).

I dropped out of high school.

I dropped out of college that my parents paid for.

I failed every opportunity my family ever tried to provide for me.

They're all getting older. Nobody gets any younger. Our time here is limited. And I feel pressured beyond any resolution. I'm an alcoholic mentally ill person with no qualifications under my belt. I work a job that is not financially sustainable and only possible through my dad's support. I see nothing else happening for me, at least not in time to show anyone around me that I can be something and all the effort they put into me since I was born was worth it. I feel like by the time I get a grip on myself they will all be gone. It's too late.

I'm sorry I've been posting like this for nearly a year now. I don't expect anyone to have a solution. I want someone to say a magic word and make it better. But it's not. This is just the way it is. I ruined everything. Every happy childhood memory I have has been disgraced by me.