Always torn, is it ethics? Boundaries? When to say "no"?
I get torn between having "a boundary", versus just "being selfish".
Any opinions?
For a brief as possible backstory: My older sister (40) has always had trouble. And the family has always enabled her. She could never hit rock bottom to change, because my mom would never let that happen. A series of drugs, rehabs, jails, all eventually ending up living with my mom (in an apartment, the family home is long gone). My niece, my sisters daughter, also lived there.
Fast forward to the past year. My mom has passed away. My niece came to live with me. My sister ended up getting evicted. She used to have her own car until it got repossessed for non-payment. She then took my moms old beater car that is paid off.
Well the beater car has a busted hose.
My sisters only source of income is door dashing.
It is the weekend and I don't technically "need" my car, since I don't plan on going out.
She has asked to use my car for the weekend since hers can't be fixed until Monday.
What do you think?
My sister put us all through a lot of pain. Years and years worth. I have so much anger I am trying to work through.
But I am also trying to be kind and have a "do unto others as they would do unto you" mentality.
Granted....my sister has never been able to "help" me in any way. It is always the family helping her. Never the other way around.
But kindness is free.
I do feel somewhat taken advantage of, for always bailing her out.
But my car would just be sitting in the parking lot this weekend.
She is putting any depleted gas back in it.
But...I mean, she's racking up mileage and still will not find a real job. Her boyfriend does doordash with her. He also does not have a real job.
Right now they are living day to day at a hotel.
She completely 100% put herself in her current situation. And I feel like she relies on anyone and everyone else to get her out of it. She lies as easy as breathing. She kept trying to convince me she still had her job...MONTHS after she was fired.
My sister pays ZERO. And she keeps the child tax credit every year for herself, even though her daughter lives with me and I pay everything.
So my frustration is kind of compounded.
I am just torn.
She is "clean" now. I use clean in quotes because she IS on "suboxone", aka the prescription heroin.
But it is better than before. Also, she says she can't work a real job since she has stage 4 arthritis in both knees (this is verified). But her boyfriend is very agile and fit, so I don't know the reason he won't work.
Any thoughts?
To clarify: Doordash can very much be a real job. But she wakes up at 11am and does it for a few hours. To make it a full time job I think you would need to work at least 9 to 5. Or carve out the busiest times and do that.
Any opinions?
For a brief as possible backstory: My older sister (40) has always had trouble. And the family has always enabled her. She could never hit rock bottom to change, because my mom would never let that happen. A series of drugs, rehabs, jails, all eventually ending up living with my mom (in an apartment, the family home is long gone). My niece, my sisters daughter, also lived there.
Fast forward to the past year. My mom has passed away. My niece came to live with me. My sister ended up getting evicted. She used to have her own car until it got repossessed for non-payment. She then took my moms old beater car that is paid off.
Well the beater car has a busted hose.
My sisters only source of income is door dashing.
It is the weekend and I don't technically "need" my car, since I don't plan on going out.
She has asked to use my car for the weekend since hers can't be fixed until Monday.
What do you think?
My sister put us all through a lot of pain. Years and years worth. I have so much anger I am trying to work through.
But I am also trying to be kind and have a "do unto others as they would do unto you" mentality.
Granted....my sister has never been able to "help" me in any way. It is always the family helping her. Never the other way around.
But kindness is free.
I do feel somewhat taken advantage of, for always bailing her out.
But my car would just be sitting in the parking lot this weekend.
She is putting any depleted gas back in it.
But...I mean, she's racking up mileage and still will not find a real job. Her boyfriend does doordash with her. He also does not have a real job.
Right now they are living day to day at a hotel.
She completely 100% put herself in her current situation. And I feel like she relies on anyone and everyone else to get her out of it. She lies as easy as breathing. She kept trying to convince me she still had her job...MONTHS after she was fired.
My sister pays ZERO. And she keeps the child tax credit every year for herself, even though her daughter lives with me and I pay everything.
So my frustration is kind of compounded.
I am just torn.
She is "clean" now. I use clean in quotes because she IS on "suboxone", aka the prescription heroin.
But it is better than before. Also, she says she can't work a real job since she has stage 4 arthritis in both knees (this is verified). But her boyfriend is very agile and fit, so I don't know the reason he won't work.
Any thoughts?
To clarify: Doordash can very much be a real job. But she wakes up at 11am and does it for a few hours. To make it a full time job I think you would need to work at least 9 to 5. Or carve out the busiest times and do that.
