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Please respon with nice words only. 😞

So, I’m just curious and wondering..

To the point, my father used to be a player. My mother was the third woman, and only with her did my father have a daughter—that’s me. If counted, I’m the third child out of six siblings, and all my siblings are boys, each from different mothers. One son from the fourth woman ended up living with my father and my mother, because they decided to stay together and take him in. Then, I also have two younger biological brothers.

But what confuses me through all this is… ever since I was little, my father often disciplined me harshly. He would hit me or pour cold water on me. I remember every time he hit me and so on, but at the same time, he also loved me. He said I was the one he loved the most. And I don’t understand all of this...

He hit me, but he loved me...

And I also feel confused, because out of all those boys, I was the only one he hit. He always seemed to get emotional or angry whenever I made a mistake. I never saw him hitting or scolding my brothers the way he did with me—he hit me and screamed at me.

I’m confused about all of this...

He hit me, but he loved me?

I don’t understand... My feelings are all mixed up.

I once thought, maybe it’s because I was the first child, and they say the first is like a “test,” since it’s their first time being parents too. Or maybe it’s because I’m a girl? Or maybe because I’m weaker somehow... I don’t understand... But he loved me.
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Justmeraeagain · 56-60, F
I cannot tell you if your father loves you or not.
I can tell you that doesn't seem or feel like love and that some people are really messed up in their heads and it messes other people up as well.
A child ends up feeling like they did something to earn that treatment you did not, he has some type of wrong thinking to think that's okay.
I can further say what he did was very wrong and you have a right to get help to try to heal from that.