I feel bad for my dad and at the same time he stresses me tf out.
He constantly buys gifts for people including me but then he'll turn around and say stuff like "Without me you'd be dead" or talks about me behind my back or hangs it over my head that he bought me this or that. Sometimes I'll make it clear to him that I'm upset because of the way he treats people and things get tense but he never understands why, thinks that an apology is a 100% admission of fault (when really it's just an attempt to clear the air) and at the slightest sign that I'm ready to talk to him casually, he immediately showers me with gifts again. I mean right away, without hesitation.
Even when nothing dramatic happens the gifts make me uncomfortable. Last night he showed me a pair of shoes that he apparently bought for me and he won't stop bringing it up. Each and every time, my heart jumps into my throat. He doesn't get it. Because in his mind, buying people stuff means everything is fine I guess. I still haven't tried the shoes because it just makes me feel weird when he gets me stuff. He brought it up three times last night and once today and I'm sorry but I just didn't say anything each time. I don't know what to do when he does this.
Yes I'm treated like a spoiled rich child and I'm sure it sounds weird to people from an outside perspective but I really just wish I didn't feel pressured like this all the time. I would rather be loved and understood than have a pair of shoes. I don't feel loved or understood. I feel like a lot is expected of me and I can't live up to it.
Edit: I also know that if I bring this up to him, he won't understand and he'll just get upset and offended and the whole family will know about it.
Even when nothing dramatic happens the gifts make me uncomfortable. Last night he showed me a pair of shoes that he apparently bought for me and he won't stop bringing it up. Each and every time, my heart jumps into my throat. He doesn't get it. Because in his mind, buying people stuff means everything is fine I guess. I still haven't tried the shoes because it just makes me feel weird when he gets me stuff. He brought it up three times last night and once today and I'm sorry but I just didn't say anything each time. I don't know what to do when he does this.
Yes I'm treated like a spoiled rich child and I'm sure it sounds weird to people from an outside perspective but I really just wish I didn't feel pressured like this all the time. I would rather be loved and understood than have a pair of shoes. I don't feel loved or understood. I feel like a lot is expected of me and I can't live up to it.
Edit: I also know that if I bring this up to him, he won't understand and he'll just get upset and offended and the whole family will know about it.
