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I don't like people seeing me happy.

I don't like people seeing me eat. I don't like people seeing me smile. I'm embarrassed to. I feel like it makes me look dumb and people are judging me. I haven't earned it.

Yesterday a family member said something to make me feel bad about myself. In front of the rest of our very large family. It makes me want to hide more, which will offend them, and they'll just do more of that thing to make me feel bad about myself. They're going to catch me eating quickly so that nobody sees me enjoying something, and assume it's because I'm a fat pig.

Actually I'm losing weight by accident because I keep skipping meals and just drinking alcohol.

I'm not in good health. This is going to kill me.

People will respond to this with solutions. I've tried them all.
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Friendlyperson · 26-30, F
Is there a way we could help you? 🥹
@Friendlyperson I don't know.
Friendlyperson · 26-30, F
@SinlessOnslaught I have been reading a couple of your recent posts and I can only advise you to see a therapist. I know you might have had a bad experience, but I you gotta be a little bit more patient in order to find the right one. Your issues seem to run deep down to self esteem issues... and you owe yourself some joy in the darkness that is surrounding you, and evetually feeling freer. Please don't condemn yourself to this much pain, you deserve healing, just give yourself the chance to do it.
@Friendlyperson Thank you.
Friendlyperson · 26-30, F
@SinlessOnslaught I hope you will heed my advice. I am here if you need anything. 🙏🏼
@Friendlyperson I will seek a therapist. It feels futile but I don't see any other way.
Friendlyperson · 26-30, F
@SinlessOnslaught
I know it feels futile and unnecessary, but give it a chance. And don't give up if it is not the right person. In my case, I saw around 03 or 04 mental health professionals before finding what works best for me and I'm glad I tried this much. I might not be where I want but I'm petting myself on the shoulder for reaching out cause I see a light at the end of the tunnel now, not always... but it is there.
You deserve the same 🙏🏼
@Friendlyperson 3 or 4 is a lot?
Friendlyperson · 26-30, F
@SinlessOnslaught
I am not sure... but it didn't feel a lot to me because I was convinced they were not right for me and I kept searching until one just clicked.
Just so you know, I'm talking about psychiatrists in my case, but the same could be applied for therapy I guess.