I think my dad is hiding something from me

I think he adopted my stepsisters but is hiding that from me, idk like, once one of them asked about when thats gonna happen in front of me and he was like ''thats not possible bc i'd need your grandmother authorization'' which is ??

my stepmom is really nice, but idk i get suspicious of her sometimes could b just me overthinking but idk

im suspicious bc he has the habit of doing stuff and telling them not to tell me, i think he did that but im not sure and im scared to ask

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hartfire

If you have evidence of several occasions when he has told them things and not told you, there may be a reason for it.

How do you react when you discover this has happened? Does it vary depending on the issue.
How does he respond to your reactions?

It's usually best to trust people unconditionally until they do something that proves they are not trustworthy in some particular way. In the early days, one can use sensible caution by not revealing personal information until they've revealed things about themselves - letting the opening up occur gradually and naturally.
Trust and respect go a very long way in creating good relationships. Being suspicious or clinging to negative judgements tends to create an "enemy image" and this makes a relationship much more likely to turn sour.

I don't believe your grandmother would have any legal say over who your father could adopt, but you could probably ring the local legal aid office to ask advice on that over the phone.

Guardianship and adoption are not the same. Guardianship over your stepsisters could be useful in a blended family because, in an accident or with a medical issue, he could be consulted if your stepmom happened to be unavailable. Whether this is important would depend on whether they are still minors.

Is the father of your stepsister's still around? Is he a good and competent father?

Adoption would mean your stepsisters could inherit a share of his estate if he died intestate, or could legally challenge his will if he left everything to you only. Since you are a adult, I believe it would be considerate and respectful if he would be willing to listen to your views about this. It also would be worth considering how much your stepmom earns at her job, whether she might inherit when her parents die, and whether your stepsisters have any disabilities or special needs.

For some families, formal adoption can be considered as similar to marriage - meaning taking on all the responsibilities of full parenthood. It can give the newcomers a sense of belonging. Is your mother still around? Are you able to see her as often as you'd like?

Are you still living under your father's roof? Are you still at university or trade school?
If you're able to earn a living, now would be an excellent time to move out and start an independent life.

marimarie · 22-25, F

@hartfire No ive never overreacted to anything except for when i found out he's been smoking behind my back when the doctors said he cant.

Their father died a few years ago, he was a horrible person. My mother's side of my family planted a seed in my mind that my stepmom could be manipulating things so she could inherit his money but i dont know she doesnt seem like that type of person, but then again, people can be two faced so thats why im very conflicted.

I don't live with my dad

hartfire

@marimarie Your Mum's side of the family might think suspiciously about anyone they don't know; or be anxious that you might inherit less in some distant future.

It's true that some women are gold diggers - but certainly not all.
Knowing the law on inheritance in your state might help - easy to look up online.

It should be obvious whether your dad and stepmom really love each other.
It shows in affection, acts of caring, mood when they're together, and how they talk to one another.

Seeds grow by watering, sunlight and fertile soil.
One can reduce negative thoughts by not paying attention to them. When they arise, just turn your mind to a different topic or activity. Eventually the neg thoughts will disappear.

If you mom's family keeps raising the topic, ask them not to. Maybe explain that it makes you feels anxious and that may have a negative effect on the relationship. Do you live with them?

There would be no harm in asking your father to tell you what plans he has for his will, his advanced health directive, and whether he might adopt or become a guardian to your stepsisters. If your tome of voice is friendly and conversational (not anxious) this could help. Especially you care just as much about his welfare and wishes.

UndeadSona · F

Just ask lmao

marimarie · 22-25, F

@UndeadSona its not that easy for me lol

UndeadSona · F

@marimarie sounds like anxiety but what's actually the worst that could happen?

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