Digging the past?

Poll - Total Votes: 5

Yes, but u want get closure

No, just ignore and move on

You can only vote on one answer.

My mom is no more since few years. couple of observations -
1. She had lost weight post marriage and was in underweight category.
2. Pics before and after marriage show her getting skinny and visible bones.

I'm trying to understand things like mental stress, family issues after marriage etc that might have affected her.
Do u think it's worth persuing?

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Sazzio · 31-35, M

My sis died just over a year ago. She was Orthorexia. Her life was boring and dull but, WHERE did it all start from? Her childhood mum / toxic relationship? Dad not being there (we saw him everyday but barely any communication).

She decided to "go her own way" at 16 whilst living at home. The mental stress of going thru a bullying mother everyday. Dad tried but wasn't good enough. At 16 she got OBSESSED with a healthy diet. Her common word was "Deficiency" almost every single day (aged 27 onwards) she would read books on healthy eating and benefits. At 18 to 36 (her death) she left all drinks but only drank water. Food was ONLY home cooking and things like light cooked pulses, millet flour chapatti with light cooked green veggies etc

Why hadn't my parents intervened when she was 18? Nobody wsnted to explain anything to her. But she died from Orthorexia and MAYBE all the mental stress from family.

Genelia · 36-40, F

@Sazzio oh right, this seems some extreme cases of what might have been going on with mom

Heartlander · 80-89, M

:) I think that the effort we put into understanding and analyzing our parents and family members serves as a great preparation for when we take on the challenge of understanding and analyzing ourselves. Being objective with people who are close is a difficult transition, more so with ourselves.

Genelia · 36-40, F

@Heartlander that's true, understanding them helps to discover us

Sazzio · 31-35, M

@Heartlander Yes! Mistakes our parents made we try not to implicate them on our children.

Mistakes will be there by parents, nobody's perfect, but question is the percentage it's kept at from baby to 16 (below 16 these days). Lower the percent the better.

Second Q, how does the child, now a full capable adult, turn out to be??? Parents can say at least they tried to be genuine good parents.

Heartlander · 80-89, M

@Sazzio One big difference between my parents generation and my children's is mentorship; close, trusting mentorship. My own experience in the 10 to 40 age span was of being thrown into the firepit alone, and except for my wife, there was no trusting confidant to help move me along the path. It was completely different for my kids, starting from a young age, discussing how to handle successes and defeats, helping them struggle through homework and assisting them setting and and achieving their own goals. The big payoff came when they went beyond childhood and assumed they could have that mentorship relationship everywhere. And they did. Through college she developed close, trusting relations with her professors and dean, relationships that continue 25+ years later. Through her professional it's the same. She even held national office in her profession. The difference? My parents were good, as were all my aunts and uncles and neighbors, but they never asked about basic emotions, nor offered advice, nor did we discuss how I could overcome obstacles or do better or fulfill ambitions, and I never looked for those relationships as I went into the world. With my kids we discussed everything from the standpoint that 2 or 3 minds were better than one; and she took that through her entire life so far.

Ontheroad · M

I'm not sure what you are going to come up with other than what others think... her friends and other family members may have opinions, but unless you have facts, it's all conjecture.

I think you are headed down a path filled with heartache and uncertainty.

Genelia · 36-40, F

@Ontheroad i understand, but it's my inquisition and curiousness to know the reality as close as possible

Ontheroad · M

@Genelia Well then, go for it.

blackarcher256 · 61-69, M

Grieve….Cherish her memory.

Genelia · 36-40, F

@blackarcher256 right, but I just found a different way out

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