Why do people feel so entitled to decisions that pertain to my husband and I about our unborn daughter?
My brother thinks he gets to decide who is going to be her godparents.
My mother thinks her opinion of a name has more weight than my own.
It’s really getting on my nerves.
I had to tell my brother to take several steps back (metaphorically) because he’s the 5th person to ask if I could consider him a Godparent.
The first is my male best friend from
5th grade and his wife (they’ve been married 17yrs and together 20)
The second is my compadres that just baptized my 2yr old.
The third is a couple we’ve been friends with for 5yrs who’s kids play sports with mine and who are involved in the same church we are and also involved in the same community volunteer programs we are as well. (They also happen to be my recent compadres - compadres too)
The 4th is my brother suggested that my 17yr old Baptize her.
But my Best friend from high school is also someone I’m considering but she’s not married by church and her marriage is rocky so I don’t want her husband being a god parent who’s going to be absent in my daughters life if they split up. So I was thinking my BFF and my oldest if he decides to complete his confirmation.
And then today my brother says to me.
“I’ve really been thinking about this and if (my sons name) doesn’t baptize the baby I think it should be me; that way I could have 3/4 of your kids.
I told him first he lives far away and god parents should be regular figures in a child’s life. Two he distanced himself from my
Oldest 2 children when he moved and although he’s their god father and loves them he made no effort to reach out to them or spend time with them once he moved away and my boys don’t feel close to him anymore and said they occasionally felt like they were bothering him when they visited him when he lived upstairs from us.
He’s like “I just want to spoil her and buy this and that etc for her” and I said “and as her uncle you still can BUT that doesn’t make up for your lack of physical presence in her life, it’s absolutely different”
Then he used me being baptized by my moms oldest brother and how close I was to him. To which I replied “my god father lived 2hrs away, and he visited me every other week, sometimes he’d come just to take me to lunch and check and see how I’m doing at school and how my vocal training was going, he was involved and it wasn’t just by phone. He would mediate between my mother and I and told her often not to trust her husband with me because his treatment of me was not what a father daughter relationship is like. He protected me and made sure he remained involved in my life because you were in jail and dad was dead and my moms husband was a predator and refused to see itwhen he died everything changed and his wife - my godmother never bothered with me again”
Then I told him “as much as I love your wife, if you should pass she’s not going to be reaching out to us and my kids will not have their godparents in their lives”
Then I told him that unfortunately that’s a decision that both my husband and I have to make and we have to consider our options and the fact that we’ve been asked by multiple people to consider them for god parents”
I don’t know if he is ok with that or if I hurt his feelings but it is what it is. If he can’t respect my boundaries he does not deserve access to my kids- blood ties or not.
My mom is a whole other post. But in short she doesn’t like my name choices and thinks her choice is better. I reminded her she had a choice already and picked my name and she’s not going to take my one and only choice to name my daughter.
My mother thinks her opinion of a name has more weight than my own.
It’s really getting on my nerves.
I had to tell my brother to take several steps back (metaphorically) because he’s the 5th person to ask if I could consider him a Godparent.
The first is my male best friend from
5th grade and his wife (they’ve been married 17yrs and together 20)
The second is my compadres that just baptized my 2yr old.
The third is a couple we’ve been friends with for 5yrs who’s kids play sports with mine and who are involved in the same church we are and also involved in the same community volunteer programs we are as well. (They also happen to be my recent compadres - compadres too)
The 4th is my brother suggested that my 17yr old Baptize her.
But my Best friend from high school is also someone I’m considering but she’s not married by church and her marriage is rocky so I don’t want her husband being a god parent who’s going to be absent in my daughters life if they split up. So I was thinking my BFF and my oldest if he decides to complete his confirmation.
And then today my brother says to me.
“I’ve really been thinking about this and if (my sons name) doesn’t baptize the baby I think it should be me; that way I could have 3/4 of your kids.
I told him first he lives far away and god parents should be regular figures in a child’s life. Two he distanced himself from my
Oldest 2 children when he moved and although he’s their god father and loves them he made no effort to reach out to them or spend time with them once he moved away and my boys don’t feel close to him anymore and said they occasionally felt like they were bothering him when they visited him when he lived upstairs from us.
He’s like “I just want to spoil her and buy this and that etc for her” and I said “and as her uncle you still can BUT that doesn’t make up for your lack of physical presence in her life, it’s absolutely different”
Then he used me being baptized by my moms oldest brother and how close I was to him. To which I replied “my god father lived 2hrs away, and he visited me every other week, sometimes he’d come just to take me to lunch and check and see how I’m doing at school and how my vocal training was going, he was involved and it wasn’t just by phone. He would mediate between my mother and I and told her often not to trust her husband with me because his treatment of me was not what a father daughter relationship is like. He protected me and made sure he remained involved in my life because you were in jail and dad was dead and my moms husband was a predator and refused to see itwhen he died everything changed and his wife - my godmother never bothered with me again”
Then I told him “as much as I love your wife, if you should pass she’s not going to be reaching out to us and my kids will not have their godparents in their lives”
Then I told him that unfortunately that’s a decision that both my husband and I have to make and we have to consider our options and the fact that we’ve been asked by multiple people to consider them for god parents”
I don’t know if he is ok with that or if I hurt his feelings but it is what it is. If he can’t respect my boundaries he does not deserve access to my kids- blood ties or not.
My mom is a whole other post. But in short she doesn’t like my name choices and thinks her choice is better. I reminded her she had a choice already and picked my name and she’s not going to take my one and only choice to name my daughter.
36-40, F
